Can't be happening...{Riyann}

[Riley Pearson]

I looked at her smiling slightly, "I want to kiss you so bad..." I say to her, my smile fading a little bit.

[Riyann Servansikk]

I nodded, just sitting there and staring up at the ceiling.

[Riley Pearson]

"Can.. Can we try?" I asked her as she looked up at the ceiling.

[Riyann Servansikk]

I looked over at Riley, wanting to kiss him, at least to try, but it's like I already knew what would happen. "It's to much to be hurt over." I whispered.

[Riley Pearson]

"Oh.. o-okay." I say nodding my head slightly, looking up to the ceiling like she had been a moment before.

[Riyann Servansikk]

"I'm sorry." I mumbled, turning to the ceiling again with a sigh.

[Riley Pearson]

"It's okay.." I say quietly with a small nod, ".. I understand, what you mean.."

{bah, i have to go, i'll be back a little later ^^}

[Riyann Servansikk]

I nod too and then turn away, not wanting to look at the ceiling again, or to see the disappointment on Riley's face.

[Riley Pearson]

I watched her turn away and kept my eyes on her, them feeling watery, when I realized again that I couldn't touch her.

[Riyann Servansikk]

I wanted to leave during the silence. It was so awkward and unfair, and I knew neither of us could much stand it, I just hoped I wouldn't do anything more that I'd regret, so I stayed silent.

[Riley Pearson]

"I don't want to stop loving you.." I say quietly to her after the long silence.

[Riyann Servansikk]

I nodded, even though it sounded like he had to but didn't want, and I was pretty sure that I knew that wasn't what he meant. "I know." I whispered, turning back to him with a sad look. "But I'm glad that you don't." I add.

[Riley Pearson]

"I never will.." I say quietly still looking at her.

[Riyann Servansikk]

When he said that I couldn't help but smile slightly. "I won't either."

[Riley Pearson]

I smiled slightly back to her at her words and bit my lip slightly, wishing I could kiss her again, ".. Do you know why you can hug Shell?" I asked her curiously. I'd been wondering about it ever since Shell told me about it. Another reason I'd been feeling some resentment toward her, that, and her agreeing with me when I said I'd rather be dead, but not mentioning either.

[Riyann Servansikk]

My grin widened as he smiled and then I frowned when he asked. "Shel said it must've been because she was dead before." I said lightly, wondering why she would have told Riley about it. Of course it would only make it worse for him. Someone else being able to hug me and not him?

[Riley Pearson]

I nod my head slightly, "It's not fair... All I want to do is hug you..." I say, still looking over to her.

[Riyann Servansikk]

"I know." I whispered, reaching out to touch him on the cheek lightly, but stopping short right next to him. "I know, me too." I said, frowning.

[Riley Pearson]

"You can touch me.." I whispered to her, still frowning slightly.

[Riyann Servansikk]

I shook my head. "It's not real though." I said, pressing the palm of my hand down on his skin, it sinking in a little before I pulled it back.

[Riley Pearson]

"I can still feel it though..." I say quietly, after I felt a cold sensation on my skin, wanting to grab onto her hand and hold onto it.

[Riyann Servansikk]

I saw the transparent tears again and shook my head lightly. "But I-I don't, it's not real Riley." I whispered, not sure why I was hurting him by saying no. I knew that he knew it wasn't, so why push it?

[Riley Pearson]

A few tears roll down my face and I nod my head slightly, swallowing again as I tried to stop. "I know.." I said silently, wiping a tear away. "But it's as close to it we can get..." I added, even though I knew she couldn't feel like and then shaking my head slightly, "I'm sorry..."

[Riyann Servansikk]

I watched him and moved my hand back to the side of his face, wanting to make it all better even if he'd only feel the cold of my touch. "It's fine." I whispered, moving closer to him again.

[Riley Pearson]

I smiled faintly, still with a sad look in my eyes as I looked at her. "Thank you" I whispered.

[Riyann Servansikk]

I nodded, pretending it was all right, pretending for Riley and trying not to make it worse by being sad myself. "It's fine." I whispered again, not moving my hand from him.

[Riley Pearson]

I rested my hand lightly on top of hers but not enough that it'd go through, another tear falling down my cheek, thinking about how horrible this probably was for her.

[Riyann Servansikk]

I gave him a half-smile, lying my way through it but trying as I could. As he laid his hand over mine as gently as he could I tried imagining the feeling and the weight of his hand, smiling for real this time. But then the tear made it start to vanish, but not all the way, wanting to wipe it away. "Don't be sad." I said lightly.

[Riley Pearson]

"I just wish you could feel me.." I said quietly, but smiling lightly from her smile.

[Riyann Servansikk]

I shoook my head lightly. "You know I've always been told I've got a great imagination." I said, saying in that that I could feel it without really feeling it.