confused (Ian)

[Arden Patricks]

"Quite all right," I shrug. "Even though you're lying."

((All right then. And yeah, I know. Fun... dramaness....))

[Ian Hunt]

"Yeah, alright, I'm lying," I nod, "I admit it."

[ooc-woot! jennnieeeee...the horrible hospital people stole my blood and spinal fluid...may i have sympathy?]

[Arden Patricks]

I raise my eyebrows. "That's... noble? of you then," I nod, then shrug. "Unless you're just admitting it without remembering what you're admitting."

((Ooh... ouchies. Yes, thee can. And some chocolate-flavored hwipped cream. Shall I throw flaming cabbages at them?))

[Ian Hunt]

"No, I know what I'm admitting too. I lie a lot, it loses all meaning to admit it," I shrug.

[ooc-thank you very muchly.]

[Arden Patricks]

I nod. "What kind of lying?" I ask curiously. "Just the automatic kind or what?"

((Not a problem. So how else has your day been, other than the evil hospital people?))

[Ian Hunt]

"Mostly the automatic kind," I shift uncomfortably, "Sometimes the premeditated kind, mostly if I need to rather than I want to."

[ooc-it's been alright. i've spent most of my day there. mika came with me so we just sat and watched the a and e department. my nurse came by just now and she doesn't like me because she says i'm difficult and she took some more blood and then went again and i think i feel a nosebleed coming but i'm good other than that. how are you?]

[Arden Patricks]

I nod again. "Everyone has to lie sometimes." I pause. "Hate it with a passion, though, personally."

((A and E department? Tsk, you unruly child you.... My day's been quite good. I ate bread and shoveled snow. *shrug*))

[Ian Hunt]

"Good for you, your karma and everything," I nod, "Personally I think I'm too good at it for my liking. Wish I was shit at it, might be better for my soul or something."

[ooc-accident and emergency department, there's a big window in the room i get put in that looks out over the injured people and ambulances. lol, yeah, unruly child, insolent teenager, difficult, that's me apparently. it's cos i ask questions none of her other patients ask or something. ah, that's good, i'm glad you've had a good day. nice bread? and still snowing?]

[Arden Patricks]

I shrug. "Not so much whether you're good at it as whether you enjoy it, I think. Or do it when you don't really have to. Your soul should be all right... in that regard, at least."

((Ah... sounds fun then. Oh, and question-asking doesn't make you difficult. Or insolent. And, yes, nice bread, no, not snowing. The snow was three days old, actually, but my dad said it had to be shoveled even though it was packed down and only a few millimeters deep. *shrug*))

[Ian Hunt]

"Well, I'd hope so," I nod.

[ooc-it was actually. and according to her it does, cos i ask stuff about when i die and it makes her uncomfortable so i think maybe she's doing the wrong job because she gets paid to help people die so maybe she should rethink her career. ah, well good for the bread and the snow thing sort of sucks but oh well.]

[Arden Patricks]

"But don't think so?" I ask, shrugging.

((I see.... Yeah, maybe. And yeah. *shrug* Exercise and all.))

[Ian Hunt]

"Yeah, pretty much."

[ooc- okay then.]

[Arden Patricks]

"And why not?"

((*nods* .... Um... hey, so what happened to your avatar and banner? They have vanished.))

[Ian Hunt]

"My soul being alright in any regard seems a little far-fetched to me is all," I shrug slightly.

[ooc-yeah, using new model. finding pictures now.]

[Arden Patricks]

I shrug. "Think you're... I dunno, selling yourself short a little. Even if your soul was fractured into dozens of pieces, I read somewhere that it can heal with... remorse, or something like that. Seems to me you've got enough, don't you?"

((Noooooooooooooooooooooooooo!! That's not cool....))

[Ian Hunt]

"I feel enough remorse," I shrug, looking determinedly at my hands, "But I never feel any better about anything. Always...fractured, as you put it."

[ooc-lol, sorry. there's no decent pictures of kris lemche to make banners with.]

[Arden Patricks]

I shrug. "So maybe it just takes a while, I dunno. Maybe it won't feel better, but your soul will still be better." I shrug again. "Never mind. What do I know?"

((Yes there is! You've had like thirty different banners! There's got to be a picture somewhere you could use! I hate change.))

[Ian Hunt]

"If it doesn't feel better then I see no point in it being better because-" I cut myself off, and then just shrug, "Just because."
I didn't feel entirely comfortable discussing how much it hurt or what it felt like or what it made me want to do. The scars on my wrists prickle at just thinking it.

[ooc-haha, lol, sorry jennie. ]

[Arden Patricks]

I pause. "No, I guess you have a point. Unless it improves your karma, but I guess that's all bollocks anyway." I shrug.

(( I just realized, by the way, that the Fitzy thread really was a waste of time. And now I think I really do have to make one with Logan... or something. But anyway, sorry.))

[Ian Hunt]

"I guess it is," I agree.

[ooc-lol, it's okay and matt says he's be glad to.]

[Arden Patricks]

I nod again. "And in which case, why are we still here?"

((Coolness. ... Hm. So who are you using as a model then? No one too different, I hope.))

[Ian Hunt]

"Like you said, we're here because of people," I shrug, "That sort of makes sense to me now."

[ooc-lol, this guy, i can't spell his name. kim suggested him. *shrug*]

[Arden Patricks]

I stay silent for a moment, lacing my hands together and looking at the ground. "Maybe that's still true," I shrug after a moment. "Just...." I shake my head. "I don't know. Sometimes I wish the people would go away so I'd be free to notice more than ever how pointless everything is."

((Hm... good lordy, startled me. He's all right, I guess. Just not Ian.))

[Ian Hunt]

"Why would you want to see how pointless it all is?"

[ooc-meh, he'll become ian eventually.]

[Arden Patricks]

"Um..." I shake my head. "No, that's not what I meant, never mind. I'm just confused again, that's all."

((Yeah... when Christina changed Maddie... grr... I just reread a bunch of old posts until it fit. Sorry for whining about it. ))

[Ian Hunt]

"Okay then," I say, raising an eyebrow.

[ooc-haha, don't worry about whining about it...i'm not sure if i prefer kris lemche or this guy...hmm...]

[Arden Patricks]

I nod again. "I think... what I meant... was that I see the pointlessness anyway, and then all that's keeping me here is people but you lose them eventually, so then isn't that kind of pointless too? But... yet... they're still here. For now. So...." I shrug. "So am I."

((Yay indecisiveness! Lol. Were you aware that all hot guys are thirty, by the way?))

[Ian Hunt]

"Ah, yeah, I get what you mean now," I nod, "Maybe it's best not to think about it so much and just get on with living while we can?"
I pause a moment, then laugh very slightly in a mostly unamused way, "I think that's the most optomistic thing I've said in a while."

[ooc-lol, uhm...no, i wasn't. thanks for telling me. how do you know this?]

[Arden Patricks]

I laugh slightly, also no really very amused. "Maybe it is. And... and okay, maybe you're right." I shrug. "Sorry. You just caught me in a slightly gloomy mood. Comes and goes."

((Lol. Because Laura decided who the five hottest guys she knows of are. Kris Lemche, Ian Watkins, Milo Ventimiglia or whatever it is, Heath Ledger... and I can't remember the fifth. But all of them are thirty.))

[Ian Hunt]

"It's alright, it's only fair seeing as I inflict my gloomy moods on everyone," I shrug slightly.

[ooc-haha, well...alright then... ]