confused (Ian)

[Arden Patricks]

"Maybe so," I shrug. "I have wondered a bit about the sorts of things that I remember. But it doesn't really matter I suppose. Maybe she'll come back now that I've met her again."
Or maybe she's not real. Maybe it's a lie. Maybe you can never trust your memories at all.

((Nyuh. You suck. And my friends list is angering me because I put waaaaaaay too much thought into it. But anyway.))

[Ian Hunt]

"Yeah, hopefully," I nod.

[ooc-yeah, i know. haha, i badly need to update mine but I just can't be bothered.]

[Arden Patricks]

I nod back. "Anyway... that was enough about me," I mutter. "Anything with you that you'd actually be willing to talk about?"

((Yes you do... Now you suck even more. However, that was harsh so I take back the first one.))

[Ian Hunt]

"Uhm...some of my real family are around, the biological family not the Hunt one," I shrug slightly.

[ooc-okay...*has forgotten what we were talking about and can't be assed to check*]

[Arden Patricks]

I nod. "Oh, that's right... you're adopted or something, aren't you?" I frown slightly. "So what are they doing here?"

((That's okay. I'm just veryveryveryvery happy to see you again. Was scared out of my mind.))

[Ian Hunt]

"I am," I nod, then shrug, "I think there's just one here, after my real brother and sister copped it. Logan again, gotta love that guy. And I haven't seen him yet, don't want to."

[ooc-sorry. ]

[Arden Patricks]

"And why not?" I ask curiously, trying not to think about Logan's murderous tendencies again.

((That's okay.... Darren's already agreed that you all will no longer disappear for three days in a row. And at least the reasons were good ones.))

[Ian Hunt]

"I don't want to get involved with the whole birth family again," I mutter with a shrug, "It felt...it was...when I met Claire and Matt, my brother and sister, I felt like I belonged, you know? For the first time. And then they just get taken away? Well, fuck that. I'm not getting involved again."

[ooc-yeah, good reasons. i guess.]

[Arden Patricks]

"That's a pretty decent argument for not getting involved in any relationship at all, really," I say without really thinking about whether I'm being helpful or potentially making the problem worse.

((Yes... so. How might you be?))

[Ian Hunt]

"Precisely," I nod, then smile wryly, "It's refreshing to have someone say that. Rather than the other nonsense most people spout about taking risks and all that bollocks."

[ooc-completely and utterly shitty. i miss my chrissie and sean has my hoodie and i'm tired and i'm getting behind on my list and my sister isn't talking to me. but i'll survive. sorry for telling you that when you didn't want to k now. how might you be?]

[Arden Patricks]

"Taking risks just means you get hurt again." I shrug. "Hell, not taking risks means you get hurt, too, but maybe not as much. I dunno."

((Duh. 'Course I wanted to know if I asked. I want to help, and if maybe I can help by having you vent then... yeah. Sorry. I would try to be more helpful, but the answer to your question is that depression fucking fucks itself again and I'm finally back to normal after a nice little break in happy-land. But if I was a little less not-quite-here right now then I'd try to be more helpful, I don't know. Sorry.))

[Ian Hunt]

"Yeah, I suppose it's just hurt either way."

[ooc-you can't really be all that helpful. don't think anyone can. i just...it's so fucked. we were talking about the phrase "If I died right now, I'd die happy" and how it's different for us and it might be like a jinx or something. and then she just said she didn't care and said it anyway. and sean and iz went for coffee and i tried to wake her up, i really did but that is just such a fucked way to go. and i'm just going to stop because i'm shaking again and i really need to stop doing that so i'm gonna sign off and get something to drink.]

[Arden Patricks]

"Pretty much," I shrug. "And in which case, I'm starting to lose sight of the whole... reason-we're-here-is-because-others-are bollocks because everybody gets hurt and then that's a fucked-up purpose in life and... now I'm just rambling again. Do that lately." I shake my head.

((Fuck... sorry. Thought you left already so then I left then came back to alter what I said there 'cause I shouldn't've. I'm sorry. Can I give you a hug at least? Or something? Not ask you about it again? I'm sorry.))

[Ian Hunt]

"That's...I'm sorry about that, it doesn't seem right you should lose sight of it," I say after a moment.

[ooc-i dunno. if you want but i dunno. i just miss her, i guess. you know how you'd imagine an angel personified? she was sorta like that. completely naive about everything, saw the best in everyone, that sort of thing. it's gonna be harder, i suppose.]

[Arden Patricks]

"No, maybe not," I shrug. "But it's just something that happens. Cycles, you know? Right now I'm in a bad one, then in a couple of months I'll be happy again, and a few months after that it's back to normal."

(( ))

[Ian Hunt]

"Well...uhm...that's slightly weird..."

[ooc-she used to say all these weird things. like she'd have a thought at 3am and phone me up to tell me. and no one's told me that i'll get into heaven when i go so it's okay that all this is happening since she's gone. it's weird, cos i never thought i'd miss hearing it. and i don't know why i'm telling you all of this.]

[Arden Patricks]

"Oh... is it?" I ask, glancing over at him. "... Well." If you think it's weird then it certainly must be.

(( If it helps, she was probably right. If there is one and all. And maybe you just need to say it, that's fine. I really wish I could do something more, but if you need to say stuff that's fine.))

[Ian Hunt]

"Well, I don't know, maybe it's normal and I'm just weird in that sense, I don't know," I shrug.

[ooc-yeah, i'm pretty much done now so you can stop feeling awkward about not knowing what to say.]

[Arden Patricks]

I shrug, shaking my head. "No, you're probably right.... What were we talking about anyway?"

((Okay then. Um... other topics of discussion?))

[Ian Hunt]

"When? Just now or originally? Because I've forgotten," I shrug.

[ooc-i dunno...can yeh think of any?]

[Arden Patricks]

I shrug. "Not really sure. Depends on when you're defining 'just now' and 'originally' as."

((*shrug* World domination plans? I dunno. Not really. I sort of interrupted yours and Maria's ooc conversation. Anything you want to talk about?))

[Ian Hunt]

"I don't even know," I mutter, "I had some idea when I said it, but not anymore."

[ooc-okay, uhm...can't think of nothing]

[Arden Patricks]

"Hm..." I say slowly, before jumping slightly in realization. "Oh! Right... something about your family." I shrug, realizing maybe I shouldn't have brought it up again.

[Ian Hunt]

"Oh yeah, that," I nod, having to bite my lip slightly to keep from adding some half formed sarcastic remark that's floating around in my head.

[Arden Patricks]

"Right," I nod. "Or not. Conversation is sometimes overrated anyway."

((Hello, Andy.... Um.. first off, how's your day been? And secondly, if someone wants to get a hold of Ian where should they go?))

[Ian Hunt]

"Very overrated," I murmur.

[ooc-uh...it's been okay, i'm stuck in a permanent hug with pip but other than that my days been normal. how about you? and if someone wanted to get hold of ian it'd probably be speare mansion.]

[Arden Patricks]

I nod, then shrug. "Or not. I mean, it does have its uses, right?"

((Just read your blog there.... Incidentally, I was planning to send her a message quite shortly 'cause we haven't talked in a while and she's one of my better friends and such. So could you pass on a hug from me? Thankies. Same to you too, actually. And MattyMatt. I'm sending chocolate to all my best friends, so... yeah. There you go. And thankies. I'm going to have Fitzy get in touch with Ian then if it's all right with you.))

[Ian Hunt]

"Meh, occasionally," I shrug.

[ooc-she nodded on my shoulder so i think she's pleased that you sent her a hug and a message and such. yeah, the fitzy thing is fine.]

[Arden Patricks]

"Perhaps not at the moment, though, when we're really not saying anything at all," I nod.

((That's good then.... And I wish i could give her a real hug. Um... and I posted it.))

[Ian Hunt]

"Yeah, I can't really talk and make sense for longer than a few minutes," I nod, "Sorry about that."

[ooc-yeah, hamster's got her to bed now though. and i replied.]