confused (Ian)

[Arden Patricks]

"Well... I just did," I shrug, looking at the twig. I shake my head. "Never mind. If you don't want me to return the favor, fine. I'm just saying I could maybe help."

[Ian Hunt]

I stay quiet for a minute, then shrug, deciding it might make me feel a little better to talk about it.
But when I find the words, they sound so pathetic I can't quite look at her as I speak so I keep my eyes firmly on the ground, "My kids...the one's I've been worrying over whether to let Maddie put them up for adoption or not, they probably not even mine. Probably Logans. How generally typical of my life at the moment."

[Arden Patricks]

I wince a bit, not sure how or whether to ask if such a possibility was voluntarily on Maddie's part - excessively awkward either way. And I can't think of anything else to say without that piece of information, so I'm silent for a while, watching the twig twirl in my hands. "You're... sure?" I ask, despite the already-stated uncertainty, and I shrug at the unhelpfulness of such a question.

[Ian Hunt]

"Sure they're not mine or sure she cheated on me with Logan?" I mutter bitterly, "Cos no, I'm not sure if they're his or mine but why bother staying to figure it out so she can make a fool out of me again?"

[Arden Patricks]

I wince again, twisting the twig so hard in my hands that I think I might break it, and try to think of something I can say.
"Maybe... maybe she was just a bit messed up. Maybe.... I mean, where exactly is your information coming from? Maddie or Logan or a neutral third party?" I shrug, looking up at him cautiously, afraid of making him angry somehow and not sure if I'm butting in or not.

[Ian Hunt]

"Came from Logan to start with, so I just assumed it was bollocks, him stirring shit up, so I didn't say anything," I mutter, bitterly snapping another twig in half, "And then we were having an argument, and I kind of said it without thinking, and she told me she hated me...but you know when people get that surprised look that basically means 'shit I just got found out'? Yeah, that's the one she had."

[Arden Patricks]

I nod slightly, watching the twig some more, trying to be careful of what I say for once rather than blurting something out. I shrug. "Did... did you talk about it? I mean, she was kind of messed up for a while, right? Maybe wasn't thinking... maybe hates herself for it." I shrug again.
You can justify anything, Arden. See all the little bits of circumstance. Doesn't mean that other people can. Or that it should matter.

[Ian Hunt]

"No, she told me she hated me, and I can't remember what I said, and then she just said 'fuck you' so I told her not to bother and to go and fuck Logan instead and then she left, and I haven't seen her since," I mumble, "And to be honest, I've decided I don't care."

[Arden Patricks]

"So why does it bother you then?" I ask, glancing over at him, forgetting to weigh my words. I twirl the twig some more awkwardly.

[Ian Hunt]

"It bothers me because she's made a complete idiot out of me and betrayed me. Wouldn't that bother you?"

[Arden Patricks]

Okay, he has a good point. I pause, not sure what to say to that. So... now you just don't care? You're hurt, but otherwise don't care? Why the hell do I care whether you care, anyway?

[Ian Hunt]

I stay quiet, bitterly stabbing the twig into the ground.

[Arden Patricks]

So... silence... fun....
"So now what?" I shrug. "I mean... what if they still are yours? You just going to abandon them anyway?"

[Ian Hunt]

"Yes," I say bluntly, then shake my head, "No...yes...uh..."

[Arden Patricks]

I nod, hiding a sad sort of smile that doesn't seem especially appropriate. "Take that as a you don't know?" I ask, looking up from the twirly twig.

[Ian Hunt]

"Yeah," I sigh, "I guess that means I don't know."

[Arden Patricks]

Family versus relatives.... I think, unsure if that should apply. I shrug, not really having any useful advice to give. Or any advice really. Help if you would talk more....

[Ian Hunt]

"I don't see what good staying would do," I say after a moment, "I wouldn't be very good at it anyway, she can handle it on her own, probably best if I wasn't there."

[Arden Patricks]

I stay silent, nodding very slightly and twirling the twig, waiting hopefully for him to contradict himself and knowing that I shouldn't argue with him yet.

[Ian Hunt]

I can't think of a decent counter argument so I just keep quiet, looking determinedly at the floor.

[Arden Patricks]

Oh... damn.
"So you really, truly think that?" I press. "Doesn't matter if they're your kids or not?"

[Ian Hunt]

"No," I mutter resolutely, then falter slightly glancing up at her, "Should it?"

[Arden Patricks]

"I... don't know," I say hesitantly. "I mean, I'm a very firm believer in the idea that relatives don't have to be your family. But kids? You kind of have an obligation there, if it is your fault that they exist." I shrug, twirling that stupid twig one last time before cracking it in half and gripping the pieces in one hand.

[Ian Hunt]

"My fault, nice way of putting it," I mumble, "Fucking accident, should have been more careful."
Cold hearted bastard... My sub-conscious reminds me.

[Arden Patricks]

"I meant it more that you shouldn't doom anyone to existence unless you're going to... help make sure that they can handle it, I guess. Accident or not." I shrug, watching myself cycle the broken twig pieces from one hand to the other. Plus I thought you loved her, so it can't have been entirely accidental.

[Ian Hunt]

"If I never know them, I won't care if they handle it or not," I lie bluntly, then shake my head, "Doesn't matter anyway. Maddie's leaving, no idea where she's going but I know she's out of here."
Might know a little more if you'd actually talk to her.
Stop talking.

[Arden Patricks]

I scowl at the first part, unnacountably angry, and squeeze the twig bits together in my fist. "So you really don't give a damn if someone else turns out as fucked as some of the rest of us?" I ask bitterly. "Even if it's your fault they exist?" I shake my head. "What kind of person does that?"

[Ian Hunt]

"I do," I mutter, "I'm the sort of person who does that."
Chris is the sort of person who does that...
I lock my jaw, hardly resisting the urge to grit my teeth as the voice inside my head coupled with my lack of reasonable counter argument really starts to irritate me.

[Arden Patricks]

"No, you're a halfway decent person who's being an idiot," I mutter, knowing full well that I don't know him well enough to say.

[Ian Hunt]

"Yeah? You'd know that how?" I reply, raising an eyebrow.