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Post by Ian Hunt on Jun 23, 2007 17:36:40 GMT
I sat in the shadow of the castle.
I didn't really want anyone to know I was here.
I didn't want to trust myself around other people at the moment.
I'd lost Erin once, and it turned out she'd still been alive, and now I'd lost her again.
For real this time.
And I couldn't take it.
I'd lost her twice and I couldn't take it.
I pluck idly at the fibres of the bandages around my wrists.
Stupid Gideon.
The point in suicide is not wanting to be saved, but of course he had to 'save me' anyway.
I wanted to speak to Erin again.
It was my fault she's dead.
But it's my fault she's dead for real this time.
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Post by Sirius Black on Jun 24, 2007 14:39:42 GMT
"Hey." I say quietly leanning against the wall. "Maddie told me what...Ian I'm real sorry."
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Post by Ian Hunt on Jun 24, 2007 15:26:38 GMT
"Not as sorry as I am." I mutter, still picking idly at the bandages.
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Post by Sirius Black on Jun 24, 2007 18:38:14 GMT
I sigh jamming my hands into my pockets."Your taking it pretty hard I see." I nod to his bandages.
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Post by Ian Hunt on Jun 24, 2007 18:47:50 GMT
"You could say that." I force a slight laugh, not meaning to make it sound so bitter, "If it weren't for Gid I wouldn't be here now. I'm not sure that's a relief."
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Post by Sirius Black on Jun 24, 2007 18:57:29 GMT
"There'd be a lot of people who'd miss you."
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Post by Ian Hunt on Jun 24, 2007 18:58:35 GMT
"Yeah, of course." I say softly, looking at the floor, "That's what everyone says you know."
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Post by Sirius Black on Jun 24, 2007 19:00:21 GMT
"They say it 'cos it's true."
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Post by Ian Hunt on Jun 24, 2007 19:02:02 GMT
"Cos I'm doing an awful lot of good here, after all." I mutter sarcastically.
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Post by Sirius Black on Jun 24, 2007 19:03:32 GMT
"You got Maddie don't you?" I say,"Look I know she'd be the last person you'd want to talk about right now but....she knows what your going through right now..." I sigh taking out a cigarette."She lost someone to death too. Not just her parents."
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Post by Ian Hunt on Jun 24, 2007 19:06:01 GMT
"I know I'm not the only one who's ever lost someone." I say before he can say it, looking at the floor, "And I've not got Maddie for long. I'm leaving. For real this time. I'm not just going to say it and stay, I'm leaving."
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Post by Sirius Black on Jun 24, 2007 19:09:39 GMT
"You gonna break her heart? Just like that?" I ask. "Look, I shouldn't be the one to tell you this but....a couple of months back her boyfriend Michael, he died. She loved him more then anything in the world. They had been together, three years I think." I light my cigarette.
"Anyway, they we're planning on getting married at the end of 7th year, he died before that could happen." I take a long drag. "She took it pretty hard, did the same thing you're trying to do to yourself now." I say motioning to his wrists.
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Post by Ian Hunt on Jun 24, 2007 19:11:41 GMT
I nod, taking it in, not saying anything, knowing I still had to leave.
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Post by Sirius Black on Jun 24, 2007 19:13:08 GMT
"She knows better than anyone here what your going through. You and her, your more alike then you know."
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Post by Ian Hunt on Jun 24, 2007 19:14:12 GMT
"So it would seem." I mutter, looking at the floor.
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Post by Sirius Black on Jun 24, 2007 19:15:30 GMT
"So I hear you got a little drug problem." I take another drag."Maddie too."
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Post by Ian Hunt on Jun 24, 2007 19:16:49 GMT
"I figured. I'm not a total idiot." I nod.
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Post by Sirius Black on Jun 24, 2007 19:19:10 GMT
"On and off since she was 15. Ian, she needs you more then ever. And I know you need her too." I sigh."Look, I love Maddie, more then anything, we grew up together, she's like my little sister, and if you run off I swear to God Ian I'll hunt you down and kill you."
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Post by Ian Hunt on Jun 24, 2007 19:21:12 GMT
I laugh at his choice of words, "Kill me now. It'll save you the bother."
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Post by Sirius Black on Jun 24, 2007 19:23:25 GMT
"If I kill you, Maddie's gonna kill me." I grin."Ian, you have no idea how lucky you are to have a girl like Maddie."
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Post by Ian Hunt on Jun 24, 2007 19:25:08 GMT
"Yeah, too lucky. I don't deserve her. And I'm not going to let her go out for the same reason as Erin, or my brother, which is why I have to leave."
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Post by Sirius Black on Jun 24, 2007 19:28:08 GMT
"She thinks you deserve her, that's why she still with you. Ian you and I both know she could have any guy she wants" I stub out my cigarette."And for some reason unknown to me that guy is you."
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Post by Ian Hunt on Jun 24, 2007 19:28:57 GMT
"Unknown to the both of us." I assure him.
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Post by Sirius Black on Jun 24, 2007 19:30:57 GMT
"Ian it all comes down to a choice. You either want her, or you dont, you either stay or you don't, you either want to be with her or you dont. You either love her. or you dont. It's that simple."
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Post by Ian Hunt on Jun 24, 2007 19:32:45 GMT
"I love her, I want her, I want to be with her...but I don't want anything bad to happen to her."
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Post by Sirius Black on Jun 24, 2007 19:35:26 GMT
"Ian these are dark times, we all want that, for all of our loved ones." I say."But that' the risk we take when we fall in love. Maddie's a fighter, she can take care of herself."
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Post by Ian Hunt on Jun 24, 2007 19:36:52 GMT
"Yeah, Erin was a fighter too." I say, finally looking at him. "And look what happened to her. And look who's fault that was."
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Post by Sirius Black on Jun 24, 2007 19:39:22 GMT
"There was nothing you could have done." I say."I know you feel like it's all your fault Ian, but we had no way of knowing, your not a seer."
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Post by Ian Hunt on Jun 24, 2007 19:41:57 GMT
"You don't understand." I say, shaking my head slightly. "I did know. I did. She told me, since she got back, she's been telling me, that's it's been getting worse. And I told her I'd fix it. But I just fucked things up even more, and then...I never meant...I might as well have pushed her off that tower."
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Post by Sirius Black on Jun 24, 2007 19:45:03 GMT
"Ian, look I know this may seem harsh but what if that was a way Erin was telling you to let go?" I sigh,"Then again this just makes letting go harder..."
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