Thoughts{Arden}

[Riley Pearson]

"How? I just lost the one person I loved the most and now I'm forced to marry someone else." I said raising my voice in frustration, then regretting it. It wasn't Arden's fault and I wasn't yelling at her, just at the situation. ".. sorry, that wasn't directed toward you.." I say a few moments, in a normal voice, after I realized how loud I had actually said it.

[Arden Patricks]

I wince again, flinching as he yells, but shake my head anyway in response to his apology.
"No, I'm sorry. You're right...."

[Riley Pearson]

Hearing her say this, just made me feel even worse. I didn't want to be right. I wanted to hear that everything really was going to be okay, but still had trouble taking that as a truth. "... I wish I wasn't."

[Arden Patricks]

I nod. I wish that you weren't, too.
"I meant that you're right to be angry. I'm not... being very helpful."

[Riley Pearson]

"Oh.." I said nodding my head slightly, agreeing with her. "No.. you are." I just suck and can't seem to stop being pesimistic. "Just you being here is help.. I don't like being alone for long period of time..." I add shaking my head slightly.

[Arden Patricks]

I nod, relieved at least to hear that he doesn't want me gone and I'm not making him feel worse.
I'll be here as long as you need, and help any way I can.

[Riley Pearson]

I looked away from her and opened my hand, where I was I had been holding a picture of me and Riyann. I was slightly wrinkled because I was holding tightly onto it, forgetting it was in my hand for a while. Looking at it, I felt my eyes burn again, wondering why I kept doing this to myself.

[Arden Patricks]

I bite my lip as I watch him look down at something in his hand... looks maybe like a picture. I wish that I could actually do something to help, anything that all... but I suppose that I have to just sit here and watch, and hope that he'll be all right. I really hate that.

[Riley Pearson]

I look at the picture for a few more moments before I can't take it anymore, dropping the picture to the ground, the wind blowing it over to Arden. The figures of riyann and me in the picture, smiling at eachother and then her kissing my cheek and me giving her bunny ears, oblivious to the fact that the picture was crumpled or that it had just fallen. Tears started rolling down my face again, "Why do I keep doing this myself?" I asked her, saying what I was thinking, "Everything I do, everywhere I go.. she's all I see.."

[Arden Patricks]

I snatch the picture off the ground after he drops it before the wind can blow it farther, feeling my insides flipflop painfully at what it shows. I tear my eyes away when he speaks, blinking back tears, and shrug helplessly at him.
It's perfectly understandable and it'll all get better... eventually. You just have to get through it and it'll be okay.
I don't dare actually say any of these things, though, because I imagine I would hit anyone who said them to me if I was in his position. I hold onto the picture, not sure if I should hand it back just now or not.

[Riley Pearson]

I let out a shaky breath and wipe my eyes again before trying to speak, "That was our last picture together.." I say silently, my voice a little shaky from holding back more tears, knowing how pitiful I must be looking now, when I saw that she had picked it up.

[Arden Patricks]

I nod, glancing down at it again and then back up at him with a pained sort of smile/grimace, not sure what to say. Like always.

[Riley Pearson]

I sighed slightly and rubbed my eyes as I tried to stop crying, wanting to stop thiking about everything for at least a few moments, feeling myself become more depressed the longer I sat there. "Can we argue about... monkeys or something?"

[Arden Patricks]

"If you want," I shrug. though I don't think I can really put my heart into it and I don't see how it can really be helpful for him.

[Riley Pearson]

I shrugged slightly, "Not really.. I-I just want to feel like myself again... I can't take this anymore." I say finding it harder to hold back the tears I had been for a while, feeling a few fall down my face.

[Arden Patricks]

I nod, understanding.
"It really will get better," I say softly. "Just... not for a while." And, like everybody says in books, it never really goes away. It always hurts a little... or it does so far, anyway.

[Riley Pearson]

I nod my head slightly at her words, not bothering to wipe the tears from my face anymore, "I just don't want to feel anymore.."

[Arden Patricks]

I bite my lip again hesitantly, shaking my head. "It's actually better to feel than the alternative," I say quietly.

[Riley Pearson]

I shake my head slightly, tears brimming my eyes, "Not when you feel like this."

[Arden Patricks]

I shake my head back at him but decide not to argue anymore, deciding on second thought that maybe it's a tie. He'll feel better eventually.... I remind myself repeatedly, hating that I can't do anything.

[Riley Pearson]

I blinked, letting a few tears fall from my eyes again. When the wind blew it almost felt as if they were freezing to my face, not really positive, being that my face was nearly numb, as were my hands. The coldness slightly distracting me from the aching pain that stayed with me constantly.
"Me and Shell had a fight.." I say, not liking the silence.

[Arden Patricks]

I glance at him mildly startledly, grimacing, and vaguely recalling that Shell is some friend or relative of his. "What about?" I ask, largely to keep him talking because maybe that will help.

[Riley Pearson]

"Everything.. Started when I said I if it wasn't for her father, she'd, still be alive.." I say shaking my head slightly as I recalled the whole fight. "I said I'd rather be dead, she agreed with me."

[Arden Patricks]

Ah. Major fight then. I wince, not sure what to say to that.

[Riley Pearson]

"Then a few more things were said... I-I got angry, I pushed her.. She fell in the lake.." I shrugged, "I mean.. of course I jumped in after her, then she said I was only saving her because I couldn't.. couldn't save Riyann..." I said this all in low quiet voice, with a vacant expression. Even though we had both said sorry, I still really didn't want to see her.

[Arden Patricks]

I bite the inside of my cheek hard, feeling a potentially unreasonable flash of anger toward Shell. That was potentially just a little below the belt. I still don't know what to say, however, wanting to make it better but feeling that anything I say will probably sound hollow.
"Do... you think that you'll forgive each other?" I ask after a moment

[Riley Pearson]

I shrugged slightly, "I think we both apoligised..." I said thinking we did, but no that I was thinking about more carefully, not really positive, "... but then she told me that she could hug Riyann... and I don't know, that just made me even more upset. I-I just don't want to see her right now..."

[Arden Patricks]

I nod. "Maybe in a while?"

[Riley Pearson]

"... Maybe." I say quietly.

[Arden Patricks]

I nod again, then frown slightly at something he said a moment ago, about hugging Riyann.... I shake my head, deciding maybe I shouldn't ask.