fleeing

[Arden Patricks]

"I see," I say a little frostily, trying to bite back my next words but not entirely able to. "So... no explanation at all? No excuse for what you've done to him, or... or fixing of blame?"
I quickly stop talking and tense for an attack, even though a part of me is insisting that I shouldn't be so afraid to ask questions of one of my closest friends.

[Logan Andrews]

"No," I nod, "No explanation and no excuse."
You're being infuriating.
Better infuriating then enraged.

[Arden Patricks]

I nod, biting back a retort with the thought that at least he didn't attack this time. I relax only slightly, trying to think of something else to say that won't increase the tension.
So... what's the answer? a voice prompts, but I don't have the guts to repeat the question just yet. Do I have to hate the people you do or can we tolerate each other?

[Logan Andrews]

I stay still and silent for a moment, then dust my hands together and get to my feet, feeling that I can without my legs giving way. I tilt my head up towards the canopy of trees overhead, trying to discern what time of day it was, skillfully finding anything to avoid thinking about things.

[Arden Patricks]

I sigh slightly, staring at my interlaced hands as he gets up and ignores me... not that I'm really doing much at the moment that would require his attention.
You can do it... you can ask again. This can't be unresolved.
And what if I push him too far?
Then it's over and good riddance. You can go back to trying to hate him.
I snort softly at that idiotically naive voice in my head. Trying would be correct.
I sigh again, letting out a long breath. "So what's the answer?" I ask quietly. "Can we tolerate each other?"

[Logan Andrews]

"I can if you can," I reply, only struck by the childish sound to these words after I've said them.

[Arden Patricks]

I raise my eyebrows briefly. "Shouldn't be a problem then," I say, ignoring the voice in my head that's screaming incoherently, with words like 'betrayal,' 'fucked,' 'how could you?' etc. occasionally making themselves distinguishable.

[Logan Andrews]

"Reassuring to know," I reply, matching her tone.
You're an idiot. No better than Christopher.
Well, that stings.

[Arden Patricks]

I nod, biting my lip as I try to ignore the many doubts.
So that's it? You forgive him? And everything is peachy between you even though he's a sick twisted fuck of a murderer? Lovely to know that you're scruples and conviction are just as strong as ever.
I roll up my left sleeve and run my hand along the scratches just for something to do, or maybe as a reminder. Most of them are pretty well faded already, as planned, but the ones that are left will be there a few days yet, probably.

[Logan Andrews]

"Will you not do that anymore?" I say after a moment, watching her, "Please."

[Arden Patricks]

I look over at him, mildly surprised for some reason, then examine the scratches and shrug. "I don't know... probably not. Hard to imagine what else would make me feel that bad, but I'm not making any promises."

[Logan Andrews]

I'm struck by an overpowering urge to make her promise, but shake it off, "Fine."

[Arden Patricks]

I shrug, looking at the scratches again. "It's not like it's really that bad," I protest, as if he'd argued. "Not like I'm cutting. It just hurts a little, that's all."

[Logan Andrews]

"First step towards the point of no return," I reply, "Nip it in the bud and all."

[Arden Patricks]

I shake my head even though he's probably right, and give a short laugh as I pull my sleeves down again, crossing my arms. "I thought you said you didn't care," I say, half-smiling, half-smirking.

[Logan Andrews]

I open my mouth to reply, then realise that I have none and narrow my eyes slightly, folding my arms across my chest, "Damn."

[Arden Patricks]

I can't help but laugh at that, shaking my head. "Got you there."

[Logan Andrews]

"I know," I try and scowl but don't quite manage, "Bollocks. I'll never live that down."

[Arden Patricks]

"You might," I shrug, smiling slightly. "I'm compassionate like that, remember?"

[Logan Andrews]

"Ah...I would beg but I think that'd make it even worse for me."

[Arden Patricks]

"Hm... I dunno. Maybe you should try it," I laugh. "I don't think I've ever seen you beg for anything... might be kind of odd. And I could lose all respect for you."

[Logan Andrews]

I laugh slightly, "I don't think I ever have begged for anything...ever, so it would probably be very surreal. And that's a risk I'm not willing to take, your respect means a great deal to me, as you're the only one that has any for me."

[Arden Patricks]

Yeah, because everyone else knows just what a psycho you are and isn't willing to look past that.
My smile falters and I swallow dryly, then shake my head. "No, I think you're pretty well respected. Maybe not liked, but respected."

[Logan Andrews]

"No, I don't think that's it. Disliked, an awful lot, yes. Disrespected a lot too, I think. No one really gets it," I shrug slightly, "What it's like, I suppose."

[Arden Patricks]

"No one really gets what what's like?" I ask, frowning slightly, and barely restraining myself from adding something like, Being a psychotic murderer? Difficult life, is it?

[Logan Andrews]

"This," I put my hand on my left forearm, without moving my sleeve up to show the dark mark, "I'm not complaining. Just most people have no respect for people with it."

[Arden Patricks]

"Not even your fellows?" I ask, not taking my eyes off his left arm. "You said that you're one of the best."
And you can say this calmly, how?

[Logan Andrews]

My brow furrows slightly, remembering being picked out along with Heightington, Lynn and Pettigrew as an example to the rest of them, "Most of my fellows, I'm sure would like me dead. It's like a competition, to be the best, get His praise and respect..." I stop, reminding myself she wouldn't want to know.

[Arden Patricks]

"I see," I say, a slightly sour taste in my mouth from out of nowhere as I try not to look or sound too disgusted. And you agreed to be tolerant. How can you be like this with someone whose beliefs are completely the opposite of yours?

[Logan Andrews]

"It's...just like that," I shrug lamely.