|
|
Post by Arden Patricks on Nov 19, 2007 20:15:36 GMT
I nod. "I know. It's just... it seems like a pretty good sign that you're right. That maybe it will be okay." I shrug.
Or maybe it's going to crash into me and then I really will do something stupid.
|
|
|
|
Post by Riley Pearson on Nov 19, 2007 20:20:48 GMT
"I'm confident that it will be" I say with a small nod. "I'm here for you if you need me."
|
|
|
|
Post by Arden Patricks on Nov 19, 2007 20:28:15 GMT
I nod again, smiling very slightly. "Thanks. Thank you." I shrug, resting my head on my knees.
|
|
|
|
Post by Riley Pearson on Nov 19, 2007 20:31:32 GMT
"It's what friends are for" I say with a faint smile
|
|
|
|
Post by Arden Patricks on Nov 19, 2007 20:34:47 GMT
I close my eyes tightly at the word 'friends' but manage something of a nod in acknowledgement, despite the lump in my throat.
You're pathetic, letting little words affect you like that.
|
|
|
|
Post by Riley Pearson on Nov 19, 2007 20:37:33 GMT
"I-uh.. Sorry... I didn't... really think.." I said quietly, studdering slighlty, realising I probably shouldn't have used that phrase.
|
|
|
|
Post by Arden Patricks on Nov 19, 2007 20:41:17 GMT
I shake my head, eyes still closed. "You can't exactly tiptoe around every possible trigger for every single person who's ever lost someone," I say in a slightly bitter voice, directed at myself. "You'd wind up saying nothing."
|
|
|
|
Post by Riley Pearson on Nov 19, 2007 20:42:50 GMT
"I guess so.." I said silently looking down at the floor.
|
|
|
|
Post by Arden Patricks on Nov 19, 2007 21:21:54 GMT
"Sorry," I say quietly after a moment. "I didn't mean to snap."
|
|
|
|
Post by Riley Pearson on Nov 19, 2007 21:34:12 GMT
"Don't be sorry" I said quietly, lifting my head back back up.
|
|
|
|
Post by Arden Patricks on Nov 19, 2007 22:40:09 GMT
I shrug. "Am anyway, can't really choose."
|
|
|
|
Post by Riley Pearson on Nov 19, 2007 22:42:48 GMT
"I probably would've done the same though..." I say with a shrug, "But yeah.."
|
|
|
|
Post by Arden Patricks on Nov 19, 2007 22:59:31 GMT
I nod, then shrug, not sure what else to say.
|
|
|
|
Post by Riley Pearson on Nov 19, 2007 23:02:03 GMT
I take a deep breath and look towards the casket again, not saying anything.
|
|
|
|
Post by Arden Patricks on Nov 21, 2007 20:01:28 GMT
I notice him looking through the door toward the casket and an icy feeling spreads through my insides.
She really is dead, and she isn't coming back. This is not a joke.
I stand up abruptly and move into the room again, needing to see her myself, to get it through my head that she's gone.
|
|
|
|
Post by Riley Pearson on Nov 21, 2007 20:03:49 GMT
I see her stand up and walk back into the room. I stood up shortly after and walked over to the doorway standing there instead of walking back inside.
|
|
|
|
Post by Arden Patricks on Nov 21, 2007 20:15:13 GMT
I walk very slowly, dreamlike, toward the casket, and have to close my eyes when I get close, standing there a moment without looking at her and trying to steady my breathing.
She is really going to be dead... she is not going to move or just be sleeping. You can do this, you can see.
I shake my head, taking it slow and keeping my eyes closed.
|
|
|
|
Post by Riley Pearson on Nov 21, 2007 20:17:41 GMT
I walked into the room silently and sat down in a nearby chair, leaning my arms on my knees after I do.
|
|
|
|
Post by Arden Patricks on Nov 21, 2007 20:50:20 GMT
Okay, you can do this....
I open my eyes slowly, keeping my head down so that at first they focus on the floor in front of the casket, and then bring them up very slowly to finally look at her face, feeling more and more as if I'm going to throw up all the while.
She's definitely dead, says a voice I can barely hear through the buzzing in my head, eyes going blurry. I stumble back a bit, close my eyes and sink into a chair that I find by instinct, being careful to face to the side so that I don't have to see her again.
You are so pathetic, so pathetic.... Can't even look at her....
|
|
|
|
Post by Riley Pearson on Nov 21, 2007 20:53:16 GMT
I get up and walk over to her, placing my hand gently on her back, "It's okay to not want to look at her..."
|
|
|
|
Post by Arden Patricks on Nov 21, 2007 22:36:54 GMT
I shake my head. It's pathetic. Other people deal. She was basically my family and all I really had, but other people deal.
|
|
|
|
Post by Riley Pearson on Nov 21, 2007 22:46:06 GMT
"Being close to her only makes it worse to go up there..." I add softly taking my hand off her back and leaning on my knees again.
|
|
|
|
Post by Arden Patricks on Nov 22, 2007 17:22:05 GMT
I shake my head. "Other people do it," I say quietly. "Other people manage. Don't fall apart."
|
|
|
|
Post by Riley Pearson on Nov 22, 2007 19:22:22 GMT
I looked back up at her as she spoke.
"Doesn't mean it's not hard though..." I said quietly, "Just take your time.."
|
|
|
|
Post by Arden Patricks on Nov 22, 2007 21:38:20 GMT
I nod again, closing my eyes against more tears.
She's been there almost as far back as I can remember before all the blank spots. She isn't supposed to be gone.
|
|
|
|
Post by Riley Pearson on Nov 22, 2007 21:44:35 GMT
I nodded slightly after she nodded, looking away from her again.
|
|
