Feel Like I Shouldn't Be Here

[Ian Hunt]

I walk silently into the funeral home, towards Gid's open coffin.
No one else was here.
I'd picked a time when no one else would be.
I didn't want to force my presence on people who didn't want me here and I felt like I should be here anyway.
At least no one would throw me out of this funeral, not like at Erin's.
I sigh slightly, reaching the front of the room and coming to a hault, almost surprised by how still and peaceful he looked.
"Jesus Gid." I mutter, voice cracking slightly, irritably brushing an unintentional tear away, "Why'd you have to go now of all times? I need you, man."

[Molly Weasley]

"i know what that feels like." i sigh walking in.

[Ian Hunt]

I jump and turn around, "Sorry, I'll-...I'll leave." I mutter.

[Molly Weasley]

"no need to say sorry. and why would i want you to leave?" i ask trying to keep my head down so he wouldn't have to see my swollen red eyes.

[Ian Hunt]

"That's what people do when I turn up at these type of things." I mutter, not looking at her, feeling stupid.
I hadn't cried when my brother died, I hadn't cried when my girlfriend died, so why was it that Gid's death had actually produced a tear?
Because he was the best friend you ever had, idiot.

[Molly Weasley]

"yeah well ian, you know i'm not like most people. i'm not going to make you go." i say and fiannly look up and him but catch sight of gids body. i let a few tears fall and look away.

[Ian Hunt]

"Hate these things." I mutter, touching a hand lightly to the cool wood of the coffin, withdrawing it immediately, "Hate them. Just here...cos it's Gid, you know?" I say, voice cracking again, looking down at the floor.

[Molly Weasley]

i nod my head. "yeah i know. gid knew a lot of people, so there will propbably be a lot of people that i won't know or even know that they knew gid." i say with a forced weak smile. "i'm gonna be here all day. the funeral home boss dude said it would be best seeing as i'm the closest realitive." i sigh, "like to see him try and do that." i mutter softly

[Ian Hunt]

I nod briefly, "It's funny, almost. I never really realised how much I relied on him before. Never thanked him. Never said goodbye. Never paid back that money I owed him either." I snort with derisive laughter, not entirely sure why I found it funny anyway.
There was no way I could put into words how much I needed him now, I literally had no one to turn to and right now I reallu needed someone to turn to.

[Molly Weasley]

"yeah. that's the difference between you ad me. i knew i needed him and how much i relied on him. but i never thanked him and low and behold i was gone when he died so there goes saying good bye." i sigh and see him in thought "hey ian, you know that i'm not gid, but you can come to me if you need help. i sound like him and i look a lot like him. just get past the thing that i'm a girl and i'm a lot shorter than him." i say with a soft chuckle

[Ian Hunt]

I laugh weakly, "Thanks Molly, but I'm-...okay."
Liar.

[Molly Weasley]

"ok," i say, "andyou know that i have two kids right?" i ask, "and with having two kids it comes with all the amazing motherly skills like being able to tell if someone is lying to me so just keep that in your mind for future refrence." i say softly

[Ian Hunt]

I feel unpleasantly ill at the mention of kids, but push it aside, "Yeah, sorry." I mutter, "Just-..." I stop, "Just a little scared, I guess." I pause, then add, "You have no idea how hard it was to admit that."

[Molly Weasley]

"probably not." i say, "but yeah...i'm not sure if we're scared of ther same thing but i'm scared to." i say

[Ian Hunt]

I look back at Gid again, hearing his voice in my head, It's okay to be scared, Ian. If I was in your position...I'd be terrified. But of course, you're not scared about the whole being tracked thing, the whole dying thing, are you? Not like I am. You're completely irrational...why this should bother you more than anything else...you're an odd man. But it's okay to be freaked. I get it, right?
"It depends. What's got you scared, Molly?" I ask, not taking my eyes off Gid.

[Molly Weasley]

"i'm not sure if i can make it through without gid and fay. i need them so much ian..." i sigh, "and i wanted them both to see bill and charlie grow up...and this one." i say with a weak smile putting my hand over my stomach. "i afraid that i'll get just as bad as i did when we thought that we lost them teh first time. i'm terrified of what might happen." i sigh feeling my hands shake more and more. "damn it.." i mutter

[Ian Hunt]

I tear my eyes away from Gid to look at her shaking hands, "I'm sorry." I say for want of something to say.
I don't want to die, man. I don't. Please, help me out of this...I don't want to die.

[Molly Weasley]

"there's nothing you can do. it's not your fault that i'm fucked up without my brothers." i say

[Ian Hunt]

"I told him I'd help him." I mutter bitterly, "I couldn't. I should have-...done something, like I promised I would."

[Molly Weasley]

"ian this isn't your fault, if that's what your thinking. there was nothing you could do. there was nothing that i could do. no matter how much we wanted to, there was nothing we could do."

[Ian Hunt]

"My-...my friends, allies-...killed him." I say, voice cracking with shame and remorse. "And it's not fair. He didn't-...he had too much to-...it's not fair."

[Molly Weasley]

"no it's not fair. and he had much more to live for than most..it's taking all i've got to not go out there again.." i sigh feeling a tear roll down. i walk over to the coffin and grab his cold hand. "life isn't supposed to be like this..." i say softly my ahnds shaking more

[Ian Hunt]

"Then what is it supposed to be like? Families, friends...is that it? Because that doesn't work! It doesn't. So how is life supposed to be?"

[Molly Weasley]

"ian i don't know...i-i-i don't know..." i say softly deathly quite then something came over me. "gideon was supposed to be around to help me. gideon was supposed to walk me down the aisle. gideon was supposed to raise his daughter. gideon was supposed to help me with my kids. gideon was supposed to be here when i got in over my head. gideon was supposed to ask izzy to marry him. gideon was supposed to be alive damn it!" i yell tears falling.

[Ian Hunt]

"I know." I say loudly, "I know. He was supposed to do all those things and he should be here but he's not. I'd give anything to trade places with him, but it doesn't work like that."

[Molly Weasley]

"why not?" i yell loseing my temper. but i had kept everything in since he died. i hadn't cried myself to sleep like some. i had sulked like most. and now it was all coming out. "why the hell not ian? why did he have to be taken away from us? why?!"

[Ian Hunt]

"Because-...because-..." I start to reply, then realise there is no because.

[Molly Weasley]

"you can't answer me can you?" i ask my voice lowering a bit. "this isn't fair! i can't-" i say but know if i kept carrying on like this i would do some damage to myself or teh baby. i look at him for a few seconds with tears falling and run out still crying silently

[Ian Hunt]

"No, I can't answer." I say softly to no one in particular as she runs off.
I look at Gideon again, then look away.
Not sure why but all of a sudden feeling angry at him, for not putting up a fight, for letting himself be killed...which was stupid because he hadn't...but it felt like he had.
Like he'd abandoned me.
"For fuck's sake Gideon!" I yell at him for no reason, turning and walking swiftly away in the opposite direction to Molly.