Poor Justification ((Sirius))

[Ian Hunt]

I sit on the couch in the flat. I don't even have the will to feel like I'm breaking and entering or to feel the least bit awkward that I'm in somebody else's home. I haven't had time to change, so my clothes are still soaked through with blood. Yumi's blood.
I shudder, but make no other move to do anything about it.
Fay's stayed asleep all the time I've been here, for which I'm very grateful but I've managed to wake up Mia since I've got here.
After a very long winded conversation bordering on an argument I've managed to convince her that I was a friend of Yumi's and she'd sent me here to look after them until Sirius got home, convinced her that the blood all over my shirt and smeared across my forehead is just for a game, and managed to talk her into going back to bed.
I'm filled with cold dread for when Sirius does get back though.
I can't even think of a decent excuse for what I've done, it wasn't an order and there was nothing at stake.
You like killing, don't you? The words ring out through my head, making me wince.
No, I don't like killing. I don't even know why I did it. Except that I lost my temper but that's pretty poor justification.
I'm tempted to just make an end of it right here, right now because I have nothing left. Not now Alex has been taken away and I've practically thrown Maddie to the side in brief favour of a married woman who's now pregnant with my child.
This sounds even bleaker when summed up into one sentence like that.
But I can't just make an end to it, not now. Because if the last thing Yumi's said to me is to come here, to stay with Mia and Fay because they're alone, then I have to do it.
They'll be plenty of time for killing myself later, in either a literal or a metaphorical sense...it depends in what sort of state I'm in by the time that later comes.
And whether Sirius has killed me first. Yes, I think it'd be fair if that happened. Only fair.
My hands start to shake so I clasp them tightly together in my lap, closing my eyes and leaning my head back, trying to pretend that this is all a game. Just like I told Mia.

[Sirius Black]

Stumbling into the flat, Sirius puts a hand to his throbbing temple. He doesn't give the fact the door is unlocked a second thought.
Glancing up, he catches sight of Ian, blood smeared all over him.
Feeling the color drain from his face, Sirius drops his jacket on the ground, mouth dropping slightly.
Maddie's name is the first one that comes to mind; he had heard all about their latest fight. Maddie had been over, she been crying. Nearly broke Sirius' heart to see her like that.
"What are you doing here Hunt?" Sirius snarls, using his surname to let him knew where they stood.
His first thought it to go and see the kids, but he figures Yumi will do it.
Feeling his blood run cold, his eyes dart over to the bedroom. Yumi would usually be out here to greet him by now. Fay starts crying and Sirius' pulse quickens. Usually it would take Yumi a matter of seconds to see to him.
"What did you do?" Sirius repeats, incredulously.

[Ian Hunt]

"Sirius," I stand up immediately, but words fail me.
It takes me a moment to figure out that I've been addressed by my last name and I consider that he already knows before dismissing this right away. There's no way he could possibly know and if he did he'd have already killed me.
I don't waste anymore time on figuring out what I've already done because I really need to get some words out.
"I'm-...I'm so sorry-..." I manage to elaborate because of the fact that my throat seems to have shrunk. I have no excuse, no justification, no way out and I deserve this but it doesn't make it any easier.
"Sirius," I try to start again before stopping as I notice how violently my hands are shaking and how unusually pale they are. It's not fear, of either him or retribution, I don't know what it is but it's very distracting.
"I'm sorry," The words slip out again without me thinking them through first, just a hoarse whisper.