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Post by Ian Hunt on Jul 1, 2007 18:19:46 GMT
I'd thought Erin had been burried in this cemetery for so long, now she was really gone, it seemed to be a fitting place to come.
I stood in front of it, glancing at the stone but not really looking at it.
"I'm sorry," I say quietly to nothing in particular.
Maybe Gid was right, time to just let go of the past and everything that was making me keep on running, time to let go and settle down and see where that took me.
It didn't quite seem possible to let go right now, standing here, knowing she was really gone this time and that it was my fault.
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Post by Angel Simons on Jul 1, 2007 18:21:03 GMT
"It wasn't your fault you know," Angel said quietly, walking up to Ian from behind.
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Post by Ian Hunt on Jul 1, 2007 18:21:46 GMT
I don't turn around, or say anything for a moment.
"No, it really was."
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Post by Angel Simons on Jul 1, 2007 18:22:54 GMT
"Would you stop blaming yourself! It wasn't your fault," Angel yelled. "You know it wasn't!"
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Post by Ian Hunt on Jul 1, 2007 18:24:19 GMT
"No, you don't know the half of it." I say quietly, refusing to raise my voice in this place.
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Post by Angel Simons on Jul 1, 2007 18:27:22 GMT
"Then tell me," Angel said quietly. "Sit down and tell me."
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Post by Ian Hunt on Jul 1, 2007 18:29:26 GMT
I hesitate a minute, then sit down, not looking at her, looking at the slight mound of earth in front of the stone.
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Post by Angel Simons on Jul 1, 2007 18:30:23 GMT
Angel sat down silently. "Now tell me, please?" She said, just as quietly as before.
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Post by Ian Hunt on Jul 1, 2007 18:36:00 GMT
"I as good as sent him after her." I say softly, still not looking at her, "I wouldn't do what he said and he said he was going to get her and I didn't stop him, I didn't do anything. He would never have gone after her if I'd done what I was told in the first place. But he did something. Said something, did something, she was crying so hard when I found her. Then we had this argument, I didn't mean a word. We both said things we shouldn't. She shoved me. I shoved her back and she fell and hit her head. The look on her face, I-...she was scared. Of me. She told me to leave her alone and not follow her and apparated away."
I stop, closing my eyes, "I did go after her, but I was too late. She was already falling."
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Post by Angel Simons on Jul 1, 2007 18:40:18 GMT
Angel sat there speechless. "I still say it wasn't your fault, it was his," she whispered.
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Post by Ian Hunt on Jul 1, 2007 18:42:15 GMT
"He's just doing his job." I mutter, "By trying to make me do mine. But I can't-...I can't do it. And Erin's dead, because I can't follow orders and it's not fair."
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Post by Angel Simons on Jul 1, 2007 18:43:53 GMT
"You shouldn't have to follow his orders," Angel said boldly. "You're still young and should have a say in what you do. Why did you even bother joining?" She sighed.
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Post by Ian Hunt on Jul 1, 2007 18:45:08 GMT
"I didn't want to. I was a kid. Kid's listen to their fathers."
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Post by Angel Simons on Jul 1, 2007 18:47:01 GMT
"I didn't, was a right little troublemaker," Angel smiled sadly. "Everyone fucks up sometimes, you weren't to know."
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Post by Ian Hunt on Jul 1, 2007 18:48:42 GMT
"I should have known. Or backed out earlier. Or something."
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Post by Angel Simons on Jul 1, 2007 18:50:54 GMT
"You know as well as I do that if you'd backed out he would have killed you," Angel sighed. "You can't do anything, it's not your fault!"
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Post by Ian Hunt on Jul 1, 2007 18:53:40 GMT
"I'd rather me than her!" I say loudly, "Erin never did shit to nobody! I have! I would give anything, anything, to have backed out long ago, then she would never have met me! She would still be alive and well! And I would have got what I deserved! That's how it should have worked! Not like this!"
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Post by Angel Simons on Jul 1, 2007 18:58:22 GMT
"None of this should have happened! You may say you want to swap places with her, but face it, this is how things happened. It wasn't your fault," Angel snapped.
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Post by Ian Hunt on Jul 1, 2007 18:59:21 GMT
"Well, this isn't how things should be! I want her back!" I yell, eyes stinging.
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Post by Angel Simons on Jul 1, 2007 19:02:21 GMT
"We all do," Angel said quietly. "It's okay you know, to cry I mean. I'm here if you want or need to."
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Post by Ian Hunt on Jul 1, 2007 19:03:38 GMT
"No, it isn't okay. It's weak." I say wryly, forcing myself to lower my voice again.
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Post by Angel Simons on Jul 1, 2007 19:06:14 GMT
"If you really believe that then there must be something wrong with you," Angel snapped. "That's what Erin said and you know what? She cried and I helped. If crying is weak then I must be the weakest person alive."
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Post by Ian Hunt on Jul 1, 2007 19:09:34 GMT
"Well, yeah, there's a lot of things wrong with me." I mutter, "And I know Erin cried. She cried a lot." I falter slightly, and say very quietly, "She was my complex wreck."
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Post by Angel Simons on Jul 1, 2007 19:13:18 GMT
"I cried when I found out and I'm sure she'd be a complete wreck right now if it was you who died," Angel said. "To some outsiders it would seem like you don't even care."
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Post by Ian Hunt on Jul 1, 2007 19:14:41 GMT
"I don't-..." I start to say, then realise how pointless a lie it is and stop talking again.
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Post by Angel Simons on Jul 1, 2007 19:18:12 GMT
"Exactly!" Angel smirked. "Why do you think crying is weak?"
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Post by Ian Hunt on Jul 1, 2007 19:21:51 GMT
I shrug, "Just what I was told. Crying is weak. Weak people are targets. Targets get killed."
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Post by Angel Simons on Jul 1, 2007 19:24:05 GMT
"So I'm going to get killed? Just great," Angel groaned. "If you could do things over would you become an order member?"
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Post by Ian Hunt on Jul 1, 2007 19:25:25 GMT
"No. I'd stay the hell away from anything to do with this."
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Post by Angel Simons on Jul 1, 2007 19:27:20 GMT
"Rock on, little man!" Angel smiled.
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