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Post by Ian Hunt on Oct 25, 2007 21:19:47 GMT
"It doesn't matter," I shrug.
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Post by Madeline Speare on Oct 25, 2007 21:22:36 GMT
"You don't have to keep lying to me you know," I mutter."Just trying to help."
How are you helping? Your sitting here fighting.
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Post by Ian Hunt on Oct 25, 2007 21:25:47 GMT
"I'm not lying, it doesn't matter. It's not going to get easier, and I doubt it can get harder," I mutter.
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Post by Madeline Speare on Oct 25, 2007 21:27:18 GMT
I sigh, running a hand through my hair,"Fine. Not going to agrue with you."
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Post by Ian Hunt on Oct 25, 2007 21:31:57 GMT
I nod slightly, watching the wall, hand still resting on the opposite forearm. I could feel the scars beneath my palm, hear Rowan's voice in my head, Every scar is a reminder of how many times you've wanted to give up, every one is a memory you want to let go of, so just fucking do it, let go and stop reminding yourself.
I close my eyes slightly, not wanting his voice in my head at all.
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Post by Madeline Speare on Oct 25, 2007 21:37:00 GMT
"Promise me your not going do it." I mutter, knowing if he'd fall even more he'd turn back to cutting.
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Post by Ian Hunt on Oct 25, 2007 21:40:18 GMT
I'm not going to do it. I'm not. I'm not.
"I-...I can't-...can't promise that..." I mumble.
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Post by Madeline Speare on Oct 25, 2007 21:42:40 GMT
"You'll try not to?"
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Post by Ian Hunt on Oct 25, 2007 21:44:09 GMT
"I'll try," I say, adding under my breath, "Want to though."
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Post by Madeline Speare on Oct 25, 2007 21:44:58 GMT
"Just.." I stop, swallowing the lump in my throught,"That you won't lie to me about it, or keep it from me? I just want to help you okay?"
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Post by Ian Hunt on Oct 25, 2007 21:46:18 GMT
"It's pathetic though, it's a pathetic thing to do, I don't want you to-..." I stop, not sure how to finish the sentence, I'm just ashamed about it, that's all.
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Post by Madeline Speare on Oct 25, 2007 21:49:22 GMT
"It's how you deal with it," I mutter,"And if that's what you have to do, that's what you have to do. I just..I just don't want you to keep it from me." Then add softly,"I just don't want to lose you too,"
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Post by Ian Hunt on Oct 25, 2007 21:52:04 GMT
"I'm not going anywhere," I say quietly, Unless I go too far, cut too deep...again. Unless I take one more hit, because then I don't know what I'm going to do.
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Post by Madeline Speare on Oct 25, 2007 21:53:45 GMT
That's what mum and dad said too.
I open my mouth to speak, then close it again, knowing what I was about to say wasn't fair.
Everytime you do this, it kills me.
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Post by Ian Hunt on Oct 25, 2007 21:55:52 GMT
I rest my head in my hands, keeping quiet.
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Post by Madeline Speare on Oct 25, 2007 21:56:40 GMT
"I love you okay?" I whisper quietly,"That's all I'm gonna say."
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Post by Ian Hunt on Oct 25, 2007 21:58:46 GMT
"Okay," I say quietly, unable to bring myself to say it back not wanting the words to be empty.
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Post by Madeline Speare on Oct 26, 2007 1:49:07 GMT
I lay back down, eyes still on the way, blinking rapidly to stop the tears burning in the corners of my eyes.
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Post by Ian Hunt on Oct 26, 2007 19:46:44 GMT
"I'm sorry," I say quietly, still looking at the wall.
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Post by Madeline Speare on Oct 27, 2007 12:11:57 GMT
"Don't be." I mutter.
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Post by Ian Hunt on Oct 27, 2007 12:46:58 GMT
I nod slightly, running a hand through my hair.
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Post by Madeline Speare on Oct 27, 2007 12:50:00 GMT
I glance up, biting down on my bottom lip, not sure what to say anymore.
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Post by Ian Hunt on Oct 27, 2007 12:51:27 GMT
"This is fucked," I mutter frustratedly after a moment, getting to my feet, and pulling on a jacket, "Have to get out of here."
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Post by Madeline Speare on Oct 27, 2007 12:52:20 GMT
I don't say anything, just turn onto my side again eyes on the wall.
Everytime you do this, it kills me.
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Post by Ian Hunt on Oct 27, 2007 12:59:09 GMT
I can't quite bring myself to look back at her on my way out, but I try not to slam the door as I leave the house.
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Post by Madeline Speare on Oct 27, 2007 13:03:10 GMT
If your angry, there's a time and place to express it. Kaleb's voice floats back into my head.
"Yeah, it's here and now." I mutter bitterly, grabbing hold of the pillow and screaming into it.
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