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Post by Arden Patricks on Jan 25, 2008 23:11:48 GMT
I nod vaguely, busy letting random thoughts bounce around in my head and wrestle for attention... some of them quite stupid and others more important.
"Could you do me a really weird favor?" I ask suddenly, second-guessing my decision immediately but deciding to follow through with it and apologize later if it turns out it was stupid.
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Post by Ian Hunt on Jan 26, 2008 11:57:39 GMT
"I should think so," I nod, "Depending on what it is, but if you don't ask you'll never know. So...yeah, what is it?"
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Post by Arden Patricks on Jan 26, 2008 14:33:14 GMT
I take a deep breath, and shrug. "Could you... try and do your best to convince me that I shouldn't join the Order?" I ask, feeling sillier with each word. "Reverse psychology and all... because the more I hear and see that I should, the more I start to feel like running off to the other side would be a good idea. I don't know why and know it's stupid, but there you go."
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Post by Ian Hunt on Jan 26, 2008 20:08:19 GMT
"Right, yeah, I think I can do that," I nod, but I have to pause and think about it for a moment in an objective 'what would I say if I believed in what I'm part of' sort of way.
"We find Order members. You'd be surprised at the tabs we have on them. And that's nearly all of them. If you've seen what we do to normal innocent people...that is nothing compared to what happens to Orders member. Joining would be an awfully stupid thing to do."
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Post by Arden Patricks on Jan 26, 2008 20:13:18 GMT
I nod, unsurprised to hear the small, rebellious 'well that wouldn't happen to me' voice taking root in the back of my head. The fear is also still there, however, so I'm not sure this little experiment is actually working.
"Anything else?"
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Post by Ian Hunt on Jan 26, 2008 20:25:58 GMT
"You think you have it in you to come after people like us? We don't go down easily. There's no drawing, you either kill or be killed. Sure you have that in you? And you know, what if it came down to you against Logan? Reckon you could do that? Cos I know he wouldn't hesitate."
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Post by Arden Patricks on Jan 26, 2008 20:32:04 GMT
I close my eyes a moment, sighing frustratedly, at the fact that everything he says is ringing true, and the rebellious voice isn't getting any louder. "You know... this isn't working at all the way it was supposed to," I mutter, then smile slightly. "Thanks anyway."
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Post by Ian Hunt on Jan 26, 2008 20:38:58 GMT
"Sorry," I shrug.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Jan 26, 2008 20:41:37 GMT
"No, not your fault." I shake my head. "I thought maybe it was pure contradictoryness keeping me from joining... but I guess I'm still a coward."
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Post by Ian Hunt on Jan 26, 2008 20:53:42 GMT
"In all honesty, I don't think you should join either side," I shrug.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Jan 26, 2008 20:56:55 GMT
I nod again. "That seems to be pretty much the consensus for once in my head... except for the very small bit that's telling me I'm a coward and need to actually do something instead of just talking about it."
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Post by Ian Hunt on Jan 26, 2008 21:08:27 GMT
I shake my head, "Ignore it. Please ignore it."
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Post by Arden Patricks on Jan 26, 2008 21:11:46 GMT
"Even though it's probably right?" I ask, raising my eyebrows. "It is cowardly."
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Post by Ian Hunt on Jan 26, 2008 21:27:53 GMT
"No, it's sensible. And if you join either side you'll probably regret it for a very long time."
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Post by Arden Patricks on Jan 26, 2008 21:28:57 GMT
"Mildly sensible," I mutter, shrugging. "But also still cowardly. And... maybe you're right." I shrug again.
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Post by Ian Hunt on Jan 26, 2008 21:45:30 GMT
"No, I'm not often right but I know when I am and this is one of those times."
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Post by Arden Patricks on Jan 26, 2008 21:47:18 GMT
I hesitate, then nod again. "Yeah, probably so."
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Post by Ian Hunt on Jan 26, 2008 22:02:18 GMT
"You're still going to puzzle over this, aren't you?"
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Post by Arden Patricks on Jan 26, 2008 22:06:10 GMT
"Probably." I nod again. "It still feels unresolved... hell, even when things are resolved I second-guess for ages. But I don't imagine I'll actually do anything about it." I shrug.
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Post by Ian Hunt on Jan 26, 2008 22:12:04 GMT
I nod, "That's relieving then."
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Post by Arden Patricks on Jan 26, 2008 22:15:01 GMT
I shrug, looking at my knees. Still a coward.
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Post by Ian Hunt on Jan 26, 2008 22:17:39 GMT
I pause a moment, tilting my head to one side as I watch her, "Do you really think, you know what you said? About being a coward for not taking action."
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Post by Arden Patricks on Jan 26, 2008 22:19:51 GMT
I look over at him in surprise, shrugging. "Of course I do. It's... pretty hard to argue with, isn't it?"
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Post by Ian Hunt on Jan 26, 2008 22:23:17 GMT
I shrug, "I guess. I just don't think it's cowardly really."
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Post by Arden Patricks on Jan 26, 2008 22:28:12 GMT
I shrug back. "When the world's fucked up but you don't do anything to change that even though you know you should and possibly could, just because it's safer? Yeah, that's cowardly."
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Post by Ian Hunt on Jan 26, 2008 22:37:01 GMT
"No, there's nothing wrong with self preservation and there's no guarantee that you'd be of help anyway."
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Post by Arden Patricks on Jan 26, 2008 22:44:06 GMT
I shrug, shaking my head. "Nope, still not convincing. We could probably argue all day... er, night. And I'll still find it cowardly."
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Post by Ian Hunt on Jan 27, 2008 11:26:34 GMT
"We probably could," I agree, "So let's just stop it now."
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Post by Arden Patricks on Jan 27, 2008 14:19:34 GMT
"Good idea," I nod. "So is there anything I can do in return, since you did me a favor even though it didn't work?"
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Post by Ian Hunt on Jan 27, 2008 16:06:16 GMT
"I can't think of anything, though if I do, I'll let you know."
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