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Post by Arden Patricks on Jan 19, 2008 23:51:18 GMT
I shrug. "Maybe that's because... well, I don't know about you, but you're the one person I tell some things to because I don't want to worry anyone else with it." I wince slightly. "No offense."
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Post by Ian Hunt on Jan 19, 2008 23:53:23 GMT
"None taken," I nod, "Pretty much the same with you. Can tell you things without you running away screaming."
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Post by Arden Patricks on Jan 19, 2008 23:58:33 GMT
I nod. "Would most people?" I ask without thinking, then shake my head. "Never mind. Stupid question."
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Post by Ian Hunt on Jan 20, 2008 0:02:44 GMT
"Would you if you were normal?" I ask, then flinch, "I'm sorry, that was a very tactless thing to say...I didn't mean that you're...abnormal. Just that you're sort of...well we grew up in the same sort of...nevermind."
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Post by Arden Patricks on Jan 20, 2008 0:05:00 GMT
I can't help but laugh slightly despite the topic, at his stumbling apologeticness. Then I shrug. "I don't know... maybe I probably would have even a couple of months ago, before...." I shrug again. "But I get it now. Some of it. So maybe that's it, I don't know."
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Post by Ian Hunt on Jan 20, 2008 0:10:49 GMT
"Well, I'm just very glad someone gets it," I tell her with a slight shrug, "Even just a little bit. Makes it a little easier in a sort of selfish way."
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Post by Arden Patricks on Jan 20, 2008 0:13:45 GMT
I shrug. "Not that selfish to want someone to understand...." I'm not sure what noun or adjective to put after 'understand' so I just trail off again, shrugging.
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Post by Ian Hunt on Jan 20, 2008 0:18:48 GMT
"It's not exactly selfless either," I shrug.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Jan 20, 2008 0:20:50 GMT
"No...." I shrug. "But not excessively selfish. And..." I bite my lip, thinking of my last conversation with Maddie. "And you can't always be selfless, or you'll crack and just start being extra-selfish to make up for it, or just crack in general...." I shrug, not sure if that makes sense.
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Post by Ian Hunt on Jan 20, 2008 0:25:58 GMT
I glance sideways at her, before saying slowly, "I suppose so."
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Post by Arden Patricks on Jan 20, 2008 0:29:17 GMT
I glance down, deciding that he should probably know this. "Maddie... was kind of having that problem the last time I talked to her," I say. "She feels like she has to be strong for everyone else and that they all expect it of her, but she can't." I shrug.
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Post by Ian Hunt on Jan 20, 2008 0:34:13 GMT
I glance away as soon as she's said this, and it takes me a moment before I can reply.
"Uh-huh."
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Post by Arden Patricks on Jan 20, 2008 0:36:27 GMT
"Sorry," I say softly, still looking at the ground. "I don't know if you needed to know that or not."
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Post by Ian Hunt on Jan 20, 2008 10:48:36 GMT
"No," I say after a moment, "I think I did."
I wish that I cared.
That's not completely justified. I care a little.
Not as much as you should.
Would you care more if it where Shell?
I can't think of a reply to this, and I'm not sure if I should bring this up because I seem to remember anything about relationships making her uncomfortable. Maybe it's best to keep quiet about this.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Jan 20, 2008 14:36:31 GMT
I nod slowly, relieved that he seems to agree... and then I can't think of anything else to say.
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Post by Ian Hunt on Jan 20, 2008 15:02:33 GMT
"Mind if I ask you a question?" I say after a moment, "Seeing as we've already established that I'm the scum of humanity and I'm pretty sure you can't think worse of me anyway."
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Post by Arden Patricks on Jan 20, 2008 15:09:15 GMT
I pause a moment, then nod, wondering what it could possibly be and if it really might make me see him as the scum of humanity... doubtful as I certainly don't think that already.
"Sure. Ask me anything," I say cautiously.
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Post by Ian Hunt on Jan 20, 2008 15:28:13 GMT
"Do you think cheating on someone is justified if a) they apparently don't want to be with you anyway and b) you don't love them as much as you did anyway?" It's a long winded way of asking an opinion, and I doubt I could have been more obvious, but I can't think of another way to say it and it's been preying on my mind.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Jan 20, 2008 15:35:02 GMT
I suck in a breath, stifling my first instinct of 'how could you?' with the thought that maybe it's still hypothetical anyway and yelling at him isn't likely to be helpful.
"I... don't know," I say carefully, trying to gather my thoughts. I'm not really sure what sort of question I was expecting, but it certainly wasn't this. "I... guess... I'd say no," I say after a moment. "Not that I'm exactly an expert here, but I'd say, sure you can leave them, but... not cheat." I shrug, interlacing my hands atop my knees and studying them carefully.
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Post by Ian Hunt on Jan 20, 2008 15:49:01 GMT
I nod, taking that in, but I'm still not quite sure if I'm feeling more inclined to leave Maddie, keep it from her, or admit it and start apologising straight away. Neither of these seem like the right thing to do anyway, with her being in the state she's in.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Jan 20, 2008 15:51:58 GMT
I look at my hands a moment longer in the silence, then shrug. "I... take it this is not just a random, hypothetical, philosophical question?"
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Post by Ian Hunt on Jan 20, 2008 15:58:13 GMT
I shake my head, "I wish."
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Post by Arden Patricks on Jan 20, 2008 16:03:22 GMT
I nod, sighing slightly, and wondering if I would judge him for that if he wasn't a friend.
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Post by Ian Hunt on Jan 20, 2008 16:06:25 GMT
"It makes it worse this time, cos it wasn't some stranger I met when I was drunk," I mutter glumly, no longer even caring if she's listening or what she's thinking if she is, "It feels more like being unfaithful because I actually lo-..." I catch myself from saying that word, "like Shell. A lot."
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Post by Arden Patricks on Jan 20, 2008 16:09:15 GMT
Okay... very very much not hypothetical.
I bite my lip to keep from saying anything, not at all sure what I would like to say.
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Post by Ian Hunt on Jan 20, 2008 16:14:56 GMT
"Sorry," I say after a moment, "I'm doing it again."
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Post by Arden Patricks on Jan 20, 2008 16:18:24 GMT
I shrug, if a little uncomfortably. "'S'fine."
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Post by Ian Hunt on Jan 20, 2008 16:22:49 GMT
I nod, although by the way she's uncomfortable it's obviously not fine, then look back out the window again.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Jan 20, 2008 16:30:26 GMT
I look down at my fingernails a moment, then decide I don't like the silence, and debate whether to bring up the one other topic on my mind though it's not exactly cheery.
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Post by Ian Hunt on Jan 20, 2008 16:33:32 GMT
I remain silent although I know this isn't a good idea because I'll just end up letting my thoughts either piss myself off or depress me.
"So..." I say after a moment's more silence than I can take.
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