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Post by Madeline Speare on Sept 30, 2007 14:34:37 GMT
I lay on my back, in the bedroom, staring up at the ceiling.
I watched the flying snitch I had nicked form the game back in 4th year zoom across the ceiling.
I could have caught it easily, but I wasn't feeling up to it.
Wasn't feeling up to much these days anyway.
I hated this stupid sad feeling but I couldn't shake it off.
I kept waking up screaming, which freaked Ian out even more knowing he couldn't help me.
It scared Jack and Nathan cos they didn't know what was causing me to have nightmares.
And Charlie...Charlie and I just weren't speaking the moment.
They all said they could help me, make me better, but nothing was wrong with me.
Nothing they could fix anyway.
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Post by Ian Hunt on Sept 30, 2007 14:39:13 GMT
I walk back into the house after being out for the most of the day. Just walking. I sigh slightly to myself as I head up the stairs and then stop in the doorway, instantly dropping my gaze.
It'd been a lot harder to meet her eyes lately.
I start to say something, then change my mind and say something else instead, "You alright?"
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Post by Madeline Speare on Sept 30, 2007 14:48:27 GMT
I look up, then look down slightly, feeling extremely gulity.
We had fixed us, and then I had to go and ruin it.
"Yeah, okay." I mumble.
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Post by Ian Hunt on Sept 30, 2007 14:51:37 GMT
I nod slightly, moving into the room and hanging my jacket up with my back to her so I wouldn't have to turn round, "How long have you been lying there?"
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Post by Madeline Speare on Sept 30, 2007 14:56:25 GMT
"An hour or so." I say, looking back at the golden snitch buzzing around my head,"Nothing else to do."
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Post by Ian Hunt on Sept 30, 2007 14:58:50 GMT
"Okay," I say quietly, delaying the moment when I'd have to turn round and see her again as long as possible.
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Post by Madeline Speare on Sept 30, 2007 15:02:28 GMT
"Yeah," I mutter, hating how I screwed everything up.
I close my eyes for a moment, letting them water for a second before pulling myself together, rolling onto my side, my back to him.
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Post by Ian Hunt on Sept 30, 2007 15:03:50 GMT
I turn round, watching her for a moment with her back to me.
No, not okay. Not okay at all.
"Want me to leave?"
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Post by Madeline Speare on Sept 30, 2007 15:07:13 GMT
I shake my head,"No." I whisper quietly.
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Post by Ian Hunt on Sept 30, 2007 15:08:58 GMT
I stay standing where I am, not sure what to do, or if I should be saying anything, so I just settle with keeping quiet.
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Post by Madeline Speare on Sept 30, 2007 15:17:01 GMT
I keep my eyes on the wall, hating myself so much at the moment.
This is your fault, this is all your fault Madeline
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Post by Ian Hunt on Sept 30, 2007 15:18:37 GMT
"Why did you do it?" The words are out of my mouth before I've even registered thinking about saying them and I flinch immediately, wanting to take them back as soon as I'd said them.
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Post by Madeline Speare on Sept 30, 2007 15:22:39 GMT
I flinch slightly, knowing someone would have asked by now.
"I-I.." I pause, not sure what to say,"It wasn't cos of you." I finally decided on saying.
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Post by Ian Hunt on Sept 30, 2007 15:26:08 GMT
Half of me wants to say, So why was it? while the other half would much rather say, Tell that to your cousins.
And I open my mouth to say both things at once which unsurprisingly wouldn't make sense, so I just keep quiet again.
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Post by Madeline Speare on Sept 30, 2007 15:29:20 GMT
"Jack talked to you, didn't he?" I ask quietly.
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Post by Ian Hunt on Sept 30, 2007 15:33:43 GMT
I shrug, then realise she couldn't see because she was looking the other way.
"Briefly."
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Post by Madeline Speare on Sept 30, 2007 15:39:21 GMT
I nod, hugging my knees to my chest still feeling horrible.
Do you have any fucking idea what you put us through Madeline Jane Marie?! Your fucking insanse! Why?! Why the fuck would you do something as stupid as that?!
Charlie's voice still rang out in my head, and that just made me feel worse.
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Post by Ian Hunt on Sept 30, 2007 15:43:16 GMT
What did you do to her? What the fuck did you do?
I swallow the lump that had appeared in my throat, staying silent. I wanted to ask again, until I got an answer, but I didn't want to pry and make her feel worse.
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Post by Madeline Speare on Sept 30, 2007 15:48:54 GMT
"What I did..." I say finally,"Was not because of you." I say, trying hard to keep my voice steady,"Don't let anyone make you think that it was."
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Post by Ian Hunt on Sept 30, 2007 15:52:14 GMT
"Then why was it?" I ask quietly.
And why didn't I see it coming? And why didn't I do enough to make it okay again? And why couldn't I stop it?
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Post by Madeline Speare on Sept 30, 2007 15:57:17 GMT
I keep my eyes on the wall, not saying anything.
You tell anyone I'm back, and you'll be seeing a lot more of me Janie.
I close my eyes tightly, trying to get his voice out of my head.
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Post by Ian Hunt on Sept 30, 2007 16:07:00 GMT
"Fine," I mutter, leaving the room and making my way down the stairs again.
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Post by Madeline Speare on Sept 30, 2007 16:12:42 GMT
I sit up slighty,"Ian-..." I sigh running a hand through my hair,"Way to go Madds, you did it again." I mutter bitterly to myself, grabbing the snitch as it flew past my head.
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Post by Ian Hunt on Sept 30, 2007 16:14:27 GMT
I stop slightly halfway down the stairs. You're not being fair, you know that.
I sit down on the stairs, sighing slightly.
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Post by Madeline Speare on Sept 30, 2007 16:21:22 GMT
I wrap my arms around myself, lowering my head slightly, letting my hair fall into my face.
He must hate you, after everything you've done, the whole 'driven anyone else off a tower' and now this, how much more you gonna put the guy through? You don't deserve him.
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Post by Ian Hunt on Sept 30, 2007 16:23:26 GMT
I close my eyes for a moment, then get back to my feet, walking back up the stairs and standing in the doorway, "Sorry," I mutter.
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Post by Madeline Speare on Sept 30, 2007 16:32:33 GMT
"You don't have to be sorry." I say quietly,"I'm the one who's sorry. I haven't been fair to you these past couple months."
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Post by Ian Hunt on Sept 30, 2007 18:39:42 GMT
"And I'm ever fair to you?"
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Post by Madeline Speare on Sept 30, 2007 22:11:08 GMT
"You are." I say quietly, tossing the snitch back and forth in my hands,"You try at least, more then I can say for me."
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Post by Ian Hunt on Oct 1, 2007 20:51:05 GMT
"That's not true."
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