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Post by Isabella Knox on Sept 30, 2007 13:54:00 GMT
I knocked on Maddie's front door.
I hadn't spoken to her in a while. I hadn't spoken to many people for a while actually.
I had shut myself off from the rest of the world for a while, and i hated myself for it. It was like i had deserted everyone i loved, just to be by myself. I was far too selfish.
"Maddie!" I called and knocked again after a moment.
I hadn't been there when she needed me, and i felt awful for it. She had always been there for me.
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Post by Madeline Speare on Sept 30, 2007 14:01:15 GMT
"It's open!" I call from the couch, feeling too tired to get up and get it.
I felt horrible.
Charlie and I weren't talking, which killed me.
Jack kept trying to talk to me, using his stupid muggle psychology, was pissing me off.
Nathan, kept telling me to eat something, which also pissed me off.
And Ian..
I instantly stop thinking about Ian, knowing how much I had hurt him.
"It's open!" I call again, sinking lower into the couch.
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Post by Isabella Knox on Sept 30, 2007 14:03:57 GMT
After hearing her reply i turned the doorknob and stepped inside her home for the first time in what seemed like months.
"Madds, it's me." I call quietly from the hall before heading towards the sitting room, which i guessed she was in.
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Post by Madeline Speare on Sept 30, 2007 14:07:52 GMT
I crane my head back slightly, and smile weakly,"Heya Belle."
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Post by Isabella Knox on Sept 30, 2007 14:13:25 GMT
A guilty feeling settles in my stomach as i see my best friend lying on the couch, and i see through her weak smile.
This is your fault. You weren't there for her.
"How are you?" I ask, feeling obligied to, even though it was obvious that she wasn't good. Even if she refused to admit it to me.
She has plenty reason to lie to you.
I sit down cross legged on the rug in front of her.
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Post by Madeline Speare on Sept 30, 2007 14:18:35 GMT
I shrug non-commitedly,"Been okay."
Liar Jane Marie, how can you look at your best friend, your best friend who you've known since you were nine years old, and lie right to her face?
My smile falters slightly, and I lower my head a bit,"Okay, maybe I haven't really been okay."
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Post by Isabella Knox on Sept 30, 2007 14:29:42 GMT
"You've been through too much for a seventeen year old to handle." I say before kneeling and hugging her tightly. "I'm sorry i haven't been here to help you always."
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Post by Madeline Speare on Sept 30, 2007 14:37:27 GMT
I shake my head, hugging her back,"It's fine. I can handle it, and no Belle. It's fine, my burden my problem. Don't you worry about me."
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Post by Isabella Knox on Sept 30, 2007 14:39:48 GMT
"You're handling it better than anyone else could." I pause. "But everyone is worrying about you Madds. I want to help, you don't have to do all this on your own."
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Post by Madeline Speare on Sept 30, 2007 14:44:16 GMT
"Yeah, guess I am huh?" I mutter,"Great, more people worrying about me, I don't need all this worrying, and you don't have to worry about me. It's bad for you,"
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Post by Isabella Knox on Sept 30, 2007 14:47:41 GMT
"Bad for me? Madds if i didn't have you as a friend, i probably wouldn't be here." I reply honestly. "You've helped me so much, i think it's time for me to return the favour."
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Post by Madeline Speare on Sept 30, 2007 14:53:08 GMT
"You don't have to return any favour Bella. It's fine really." I say,"I help people, it's my job. It's what I do. Don't need you all making such a big fuss over me."
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Post by Isabella Knox on Sept 30, 2007 14:56:07 GMT
"You're my best friend Madds, of course i'm going to make a fuss." I answer. "Now please, tell me everything."
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Post by Madeline Speare on Sept 30, 2007 15:51:14 GMT
"No, I'm fine. No fuss." I say stubbornly.
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Post by Isabella Knox on Sept 30, 2007 15:54:53 GMT
"Maddie, you know i'm just as stubborn as you." I warn.
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Post by Madeline Speare on Sept 30, 2007 15:57:37 GMT
"Are not."
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Post by Isabella Knox on Sept 30, 2007 16:03:24 GMT
"Am too. And i'm not getting into this arguement, it will never end. Please Madds just tell me."
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Post by Madeline Speare on Sept 30, 2007 16:07:49 GMT
"Nothings wrong Bella, okay? Can we please just drop it?"
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Post by Isabella Knox on Sept 30, 2007 16:11:20 GMT
"Maddie, i'm not stupid. I know alot of things are wrong, i'm sorry but i'm not going to drop it this time." I say stubbornly.
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Post by Madeline Speare on Sept 30, 2007 16:13:47 GMT
"You want to know?" I say, temper flaring a bit,"Then fine." I say rolling my sleeve up, showing her the raw marks from the needle,"There. That's what's fucking wrong, I tried killing myself, you happy now?"
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Post by Isabella Knox on Sept 30, 2007 16:18:31 GMT
I hold in a gasp and let my gaze fall to the floor for a moment as i composed my expression. "Oh Maddie." I say sadly, lifting my head up. "Why?"
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Post by Madeline Speare on Sept 30, 2007 16:26:41 GMT
"I don't have to explain myself." I mutter, pushing my sleeves down.
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Post by Isabella Knox on Sept 30, 2007 16:28:55 GMT
"You don't, but it might help."
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Post by Madeline Speare on Sept 30, 2007 16:33:13 GMT
I look down, not meeting her eyes.
You tell anyone I'm back, and you'll be seeing a lot more of me Janie.
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Post by Isabella Knox on Sept 30, 2007 16:38:21 GMT
"Please Maddie, i just want to help. I hate seeing you like this. You're lifeless." I plead.
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Post by Madeline Speare on Sept 30, 2007 16:40:42 GMT
"I'm not lifeless," I agrue knowing it was true. I'm still me, still Maddie, still alive."
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Post by Isabella Knox on Sept 30, 2007 16:44:55 GMT
"You're like a zombie Madds, you do things, but always with that dead look in your eyes. It's unnerving."
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Post by Madeline Speare on Sept 30, 2007 22:12:17 GMT
"I'm still me." I reply stubbornly,"Still Maddie."
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Post by Isabella Knox on Oct 3, 2007 20:21:17 GMT
"But not the same one as before." I admit quietly.
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Post by Madeline Speare on Oct 3, 2007 20:44:05 GMT
I falter slightly knowing she was right, but my stubborness wouldn't let me admit it.
"I'm still Maddie." I reply quietly unwillng to meet her eyes.
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