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Post by Madeline Speare on Oct 30, 2007 21:16:15 GMT
Rocking back and forth on the porch swing, coffee cup clasped in one hand while I tugged my jacket closer around me with the other.
My stomach was getting bigger and it was nearly impossible to hide it anymore so I had stopped trying for the time being.
I lightly place my hand over it, taking a sip of coffee.
It felt so real, there was no denying it anymore, I was going to be a mum.
My throat dries up and my stomach twists unpleasantly.
Here I was dreading motherhood, while other mum's looked forward to it.
Shell for instance, she was jumping for joy at the news even though she didn't want it.
That's the difference between the two of you, she's a good mother.
I close my eyes, leaning my head back slightly.
Am I gonna be a good mum?
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Post by Ian Hunt on Oct 30, 2007 21:42:33 GMT
I'd been sitting inside for a while now, looking at nothing, so I decided it was probably time to go and sit outside for a while, looking at nothing.
Hey, be optomistic. You might manage to concentrate on or feel something other than absolutely nothing at all, today.
Not fucking likely.
I sigh slightly, getting to my feet and deciding against putting on a jacket, if I froze, so be it, no big loss, then make my way to the door, which is unlocked as usual.
"Hey," I mumble to Maddie, as I let myself out onto the porch.
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Post by Madeline Speare on Oct 30, 2007 21:46:17 GMT
I open my eyes, moving my hand off my stomach,"Hiya," I reply back, setting my coffee cup down on the ground.
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Post by Ian Hunt on Oct 30, 2007 21:52:38 GMT
"Alright?" I ask for the sake of saying something.
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Post by Madeline Speare on Oct 30, 2007 21:56:49 GMT
"Yeah, fine." I say honestly for once. "Just tired is all."
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Post by Ian Hunt on Oct 31, 2007 20:47:16 GMT
"You not been getting enough rest or something?" I ask, half attempting to put some sort of tone or expression into my voice and then giving up on bothering.
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Post by Madeline Speare on Oct 31, 2007 21:56:08 GMT
I shurg,"Been sleeping better then I did."
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Post by Ian Hunt on Oct 31, 2007 21:59:58 GMT
"Good," I nod, then fall silent again.
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Post by Madeline Speare on Nov 1, 2007 20:36:15 GMT
"How about you?" I ask,"Slept at all lately?"
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Post by Ian Hunt on Nov 2, 2007 12:40:38 GMT
"Slept enough," I reply, looking out at the grounds now instead of her.
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Post by Madeline Speare on Nov 2, 2007 20:38:50 GMT
"You wanna sit? Or you just going to look out there at nothing?"
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Post by Ian Hunt on Nov 3, 2007 13:24:49 GMT
"I'll sit," I say after a moment, sitting next to her.
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Post by Madeline Speare on Nov 3, 2007 15:59:20 GMT
I move over slightly, leaning down grabbing the cup before I knocked it over.
I glance at him before looking back down at the ground, absently tracing my finger round the top of the coffee cup.
Back at stage one, we're here a lot.
I click my tongue on the roof of my mouth, a habit I'd gotten from the rest of the family before finally saying quietly,"It's a boy."
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Post by Ian Hunt on Nov 4, 2007 12:20:19 GMT
"Again, huh?" I reply, without considering the words before saying them, then falling silent for a moment before adding, "How long before it's born?"
How long before he is born, Ian.
I'll stick with 'it', thanks.
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Post by Madeline Speare on Nov 4, 2007 13:17:55 GMT
"About five months," I mutter, putting the cup back down before wrapping my arms around myself in an attempt to keep myself warm.
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Post by Ian Hunt on Nov 6, 2007 17:16:00 GMT
"Five months..." I repeat, then nod slightly, "Okay."
Think you can pull yourself together by then?
Think you can pull yourself together at all?
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Post by Madeline Speare on Nov 7, 2007 2:09:35 GMT
"They think it's twins," I mumble quietly.
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Post by Ian Hunt on Nov 8, 2007 18:36:57 GMT
A stream of curse words I can't differentiate from each other immediately come to mind but I don't voice them, just nod, not sure how much more I could nod before my neck snapped.
"They think?"
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Post by Madeline Speare on Nov 8, 2007 23:49:28 GMT
I nod weakly,"They're not too sure yet, one may be hiding behind the other one which is why we only see one on the sonograph." I mumble, leaning back,"But it showed two heart beats."
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Post by Ian Hunt on Nov 9, 2007 18:34:04 GMT
"Ah," I say after a moment, managing to drown out the voice in the back of my head that had been telling me to run since Rowan and Poppy had passed on. It was getting harder to drown it out.
"So what are we going to do?" I ask slowly.
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Post by Madeline Speare on Nov 9, 2007 21:35:28 GMT
"Other then panic?" I mumble, leaning forward putting my face in my hands."Not a clue."
You can't do this, one maybe. But two?
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Post by Ian Hunt on Nov 11, 2007 15:29:34 GMT
"Adoption? Abortion?" I mutter.
Bastard. Cold hearted bastard.
Shut up.
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Post by Madeline Speare on Nov 11, 2007 19:03:54 GMT
"No." I say quickly,"The second one is not a option." I sigh running a hand through my hair,"Adoption doesn't sound that bad right now."
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Post by Ian Hunt on Nov 12, 2007 19:22:44 GMT
"Adoption is fine with me," I nod.
Cold hearted fucker. Wouldn't have said that a couple of weeks ago.
Well, that was then and this is now.
What happened to no kid of yours turning out as fucked as you?
What happened to never having kids anyway?
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Post by Madeline Speare on Nov 12, 2007 20:26:20 GMT
"So, we're going with adoption then." I mutter.
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Post by Ian Hunt on Nov 12, 2007 20:30:38 GMT
"Yeah," I nod tonelessly.
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Post by Madeline Speare on Nov 12, 2007 20:37:46 GMT
I nod, wordlessly, swallowing the lump that had risen in my throat.
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Post by Ian Hunt on Nov 12, 2007 20:41:20 GMT
"Can we...make sure the family...make sure they're okay, first?" I ask before I can stop myself.
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Post by Madeline Speare on Nov 12, 2007 20:44:36 GMT
I glance up at him, then nod,"Yeah." I say queitly,"And..can we make sure..if it's twins..they stay together?"
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Post by Ian Hunt on Nov 12, 2007 20:46:41 GMT
"Yeah," I agree quietly.
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