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Post by Alexandra Foster on Aug 25, 2007 19:34:36 GMT
I walk up to the tower and look out at the stars.
Very peaceful... cool breeze... silent and happy.
I lean my forehead against the stone, with my heart feeling like it wants to cry but the rest of me not cooperating.
Why does it have to hurt so much? I mean, I was okay with being a loner... okay with being a tagalong... okay one way or the other when it came to having friends. Why in the hell is it all of a sudden so important? I mean, we don't talk for weeks and that's all fine. Don't see Ariel for years and I don't feel like this. But then... poof. You see them again and it's so damn great to talk to them that the second you can't find anyone....
I take a deep breath, feeling hot tears in my eyes that don't seem to have relieved any of the pressure in my chest.
You're not even making sense, I scold myself wearily.
Why in the hell do I miss them so much? It shouldn't make a difference. And they've got their own friends... lives... bigger things to worry about. Why do I have to miss them?
I sob for a minute against the stone while it presses into my forehead. Then I sigh and pull away, taking another deep breath.
Go be brave, Andra. You sound too much like Arden.
I turn around and lean against the wall, watching the stars.
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Post by Dorcas Meadowes on Aug 27, 2007 11:07:32 GMT
"Are you okay?" I asked a girl.
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Post by Alexandra Foster on Aug 27, 2007 14:13:09 GMT
I close my eyes and shake my head, not trusting myself to speak and not even thinking about which way I'm moving my head.
I'm fine. Just being really silly.
But I can't get the words out. Instead I start to cry.
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Post by Dorcas Meadowes on Aug 27, 2007 20:03:37 GMT
"Its okay. Everything will be all right." I said.
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Post by Alexandra Foster on Aug 28, 2007 19:37:54 GMT
I nod, quickly wiping at the tears and trying to smile. "Th-thanks," I say hoarsely, even though I'm still crying.
Why does it have to hurt so much?
((Erg. You know how hard it is to write this stuff when you no longer feel like that?))
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Post by Dorcas Meadowes on Aug 28, 2007 20:21:40 GMT
"Wanna tell me whats wrong?" I asked.
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Post by Alexandra Foster on Aug 28, 2007 21:19:15 GMT
I try to smile. "You know, I'm not even sure," I laugh tearily. "Except... for my mom dying. A-a-and I can't... can't contact my siblings..." I shake my head and cry some more. "But all of that was fine, I just..." I shake my head again.
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Post by Dorcas Meadowes on Aug 28, 2007 21:48:31 GMT
"You look like you could use a friend. Wanna be mine?" I asked.
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Post by Alexandra Foster on Aug 29, 2007 18:38:01 GMT
I shrug and wave a wand to produce a handkerchief which I use to dab at my eyes.
"I'm fine," I say quietly. "Thanks, I just... I guess I just needed to fall apart, you know? You can't pull yourself together unless you fall apart first."
I look up at the stars and sigh deeply. "And yeah, you can be my friend," I add a little belatedly.
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Post by Dorcas Meadowes on Aug 29, 2007 20:38:07 GMT
"Okie dokie! Wanna do something to distract you from what ever is going on?" I asked.
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Post by Alexandra Foster on Aug 29, 2007 22:58:01 GMT
I shrug. "Not really." I smile slightly. "No offense, but... I'd really rather just sit here."
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Post by Dorcas Meadowes on Aug 29, 2007 22:59:23 GMT
"Oh. Well thats okay." I said.
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Post by Alexandra Foster on Aug 29, 2007 23:02:20 GMT
I nod, looking at the stars. What was that muggle superstition again? That people you love can go live in the stars when you die, and then you can talk to them?
I snort softly. Yeah, right.
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Post by Dorcas Meadowes on Aug 29, 2007 23:08:13 GMT
"You are very quite." I pointed out.
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Post by Alexandra Foster on Aug 30, 2007 1:25:35 GMT
I shrug and smile softly again. "Just trying to... I dunno, commune with my mom. What's that muggle... faith... thing? About the sky?" I shake my head, knowing that's a pretty cryptic description and not expecting her to know what I'm talking about.
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Post by Dorcas Meadowes on Aug 30, 2007 1:51:28 GMT
"Oh! Like from the Lion King!" I said.
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Post by Alexandra Foster on Aug 30, 2007 13:41:53 GMT
I stare at her, frowning. "I... guess so. I dunno.... It's something about having people you love go up to this place in the sky... wearing wings or something. I don't know the story very well."
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Post by Dorcas Meadowes on Aug 30, 2007 21:31:23 GMT
"I can't remember it to well also. it Simba's father appears to him in the sky and spoke to him." I said.
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Post by Alexandra Foster on Aug 31, 2007 21:08:27 GMT
I nod, having no idea what specifically she's talking about but guessing that it's similar to what I am.
"That would be nice," I say. "Being able to talk to them."
And not just my parents, but also my sisters. Brother. Friends....
I shake my head, refusing to feel sorry for myself.
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Post by Dorcas Meadowes on Aug 31, 2007 21:11:39 GMT
Awkward silence. "Maybe it would be best if I left." I said.
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Post by Alexandra Foster on Aug 31, 2007 21:22:20 GMT
I look over at her. "Oh... sorry. Am I bothering you?"
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Post by Dorcas Meadowes on Aug 31, 2007 21:28:09 GMT
"Nope. I'm just getting this unwanted sort of vibe." I said.
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Post by Alexandra Foster on Aug 31, 2007 21:35:23 GMT
"Oh... sorry," I say. I smile slightly and wipe my eyes again, just to make sure I've gotten rid of all the traces of tears. "I think I'm feeling better now... what's your name?"
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Post by Dorcas Meadowes on Aug 31, 2007 21:36:34 GMT
"I'm Cassy. And you are?" I asked.
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Post by Alexandra Foster on Aug 31, 2007 21:39:07 GMT
"Andra," I say. "Alexandra Foster." I frown at her slightly. "Gryffindor, right? I'm a sixth year."
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Post by Dorcas Meadowes on Aug 31, 2007 21:40:55 GMT
"Yepperz. I'm in 7th year though." I said.
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Post by Alexandra Foster on Sept 1, 2007 14:26:29 GMT
I nod... and then run out of things to say. So I look up at the sky again, hoping that she doesn't get offended.
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Post by Dorcas Meadowes on Sept 2, 2007 0:31:49 GMT
"Do you play quidditch?" I asked.
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Post by Alexandra Foster on Sept 2, 2007 14:03:19 GMT
"What? Oh... no." I shake my head. "I like flying... don't think I've met anybody who doesn't... but I'm no good at quidditch. You?"
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Post by Dorcas Meadowes on Sept 4, 2007 13:54:14 GMT
"I love it. I play Chaser." I said.
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