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Post by Remus Lupin on May 5, 2007 15:51:18 GMT
"How about we settle on us both being pathetic?"
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Post by Molly Weasley on May 5, 2007 15:56:34 GMT
"how about we settle on me being pathetic and you not?" i chuckle
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Post by Remus Lupin on May 5, 2007 16:10:39 GMT
"Molly, I come here, every week. Every single week, without fail. Sometimes twice a week." I say sadly. "To talk to him. Well, row with him. It used to be, I used to think until very recently it was because I needed to be forgiven so that I could move on with my life, even though I know I never will be, I used to think that was why I came here. And I still tell myself that's why. Although I know it's not. It's because-...it's because I don't want to let go and this is the only way I can keep holding on. If you can tell me honestly, that's not pathetic, then-...well, I don't know what to say."
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Post by Molly Weasley on May 5, 2007 16:23:42 GMT
"that's not parhetic. it's called having human emotions. we all got them sorry to say." i chuckle, "now try and tell me that since i came here three times to see someone that tried to kill me, only to be called some very horrible names and threats to kill me if it's the last thing he does isn't pathetic. and i don't even know why i still come..." i say
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Post by Remus Lupin on May 5, 2007 16:37:40 GMT
"I get the same thing. I come here and beg for forgiveness, say over and over again, I'm sorry. And I just get insults and threats hurled at me. I think our situations are more similar than you think."
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Post by Molly Weasley on May 5, 2007 18:01:24 GMT
"maybe. but i don't say sorry to him. nope. he threatens to kill you?"
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Post by Remus Lupin on May 6, 2007 9:50:03 GMT
"He has done." I say bitterly. "'I'll kill you Lupin, as soon as I'm out of here, I'll kill you for what you've done to my family'." I echo, hating him. "Well, I'm safe until he gets out and he's not getting out with that attitude, I don't think."
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Post by Molly Weasley on May 6, 2007 12:08:02 GMT
"yeah, i get that every time i come here." i say, "he's even told me how hes going to kill me." i shutter remembering some of the colorful ideas he has for me. "but he ain gettin out so i'm home free."
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Post by Remus Lupin on May 6, 2007 12:10:19 GMT
"He is." I say, nodding visciously down the corridor. "He's getting out. Just not for a while. When I'm-...30. He'll be out by the time I'm 30. As he likes to remind me. Then I'll be getting what I deserve, getting what I did done to me or something."
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Post by Molly Weasley on May 6, 2007 12:31:57 GMT
"you didn't do anything remus. you had no control, so it wasn't you" i point out. "he may not see that, be since you said you've been coming fhere for the last two years i don't think you see that either, do you?"
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Post by Remus Lupin on May 6, 2007 12:33:16 GMT
"It was all my fault." I say, leaning my head back against the wall. "He's right. It was all my fault."
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Post by Molly Weasley on May 6, 2007 12:35:52 GMT
"were you in your human form when you did it?" i ask.
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Post by Remus Lupin on May 6, 2007 12:37:15 GMT
I shook my head numbly. "But you don't understand Molly, she-...I should-...oh fuck all. It was my fault. It just was."
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Post by Molly Weasley on May 6, 2007 12:44:32 GMT
"enlighten me. tell me how it was your fault," i say, "because i'm having a hard time seeing it."
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Post by Remus Lupin on May 6, 2007 12:47:26 GMT
"She was a muggle. Well, a squib if you want to be technical about it. She didn't know, she didn't know anything about anything, wizards, witches, werewolves. It was a mistake to get involved with her in the first place. Or I should have told her. Or I should have gone farther away on the full moon. Or I should have made sure she stayed inside, no matter how odd it would have seemed to make her promise to stay inside. I was too scared to tell her, I was too attatched to leave and because of that, my own stupidity, she's dead." I say, voice slowly growing in volume as I spoke.
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Post by Molly Weasley on May 6, 2007 12:54:42 GMT
"but you didn't mean to kill her." i say, "yes telling ehr may have helped a little, but remus you can't control what you do when your a werewolf." i say. i sit there for a few minutes and look back up at him. "you didn't know." i whisper.
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Post by Remus Lupin on May 6, 2007 13:19:34 GMT
"I should have known!" I say loudly. "I should have known. I was 15 then, that means I'd been living with it for 8 years. 8 years should be enough to teach someone something like that, don't you think?"
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Post by Molly Weasley on May 7, 2007 0:17:51 GMT
"you don't have to yell at me." i say softly.
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Post by Remus Lupin on May 7, 2007 10:58:04 GMT
"I'm sorry!" I say, still yelling without meaning to. "I'm sorry." I say again, quieter.
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Post by Molly Weasley on May 7, 2007 11:02:29 GMT
"ok. just take a deep breath and calm down a bit." i say. i didn't like him yelling to begin with, but him yelling at me, i hated it.
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Post by Remus Lupin on May 7, 2007 11:04:14 GMT
"I can't bloody calm down." I mutter bitterly. "I don't even know why I bother anymore. I come here and get yelled at for being a sub-human murderer, I go home and get yelled out because of what I did, I go elsewhere and everyone who knows is telling me to move on and how am I supposed to move on when no one is letting me forget? When my own father won't let me forget 'so I don't make the same mistake twice'?"
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Post by Molly Weasley on May 7, 2007 11:07:46 GMT
"well who do you want to believe?" i say quitely
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Post by Remus Lupin on May 7, 2007 11:09:44 GMT
"I don't know." I say blankly. "I don't want to believe anyone, I don't want it to have happened in the first place. She didn't deserve-...Anna-...she never hurt anyone. She trusted me. And look what I did. I shouldn't be allowed to forget. But I want to."
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Post by Molly Weasley on May 7, 2007 11:13:13 GMT
"then you can." i say. i know it's easier said that done though.
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Post by Remus Lupin on May 7, 2007 11:14:07 GMT
"I can't." I say. "Do you know how I found out, what I'd done?"
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Post by Molly Weasley on May 7, 2007 11:18:25 GMT
"no. i barely know what you did." i say
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Post by Remus Lupin on May 7, 2007 11:35:41 GMT
"I barely know what I did." I sigh. "But I came round, and there are all these people, crying and him," I nod down to his cell. "He came over and he yelled at me, said I was a filthy sub-human murderer and I'd pay for what I did to his daughter. And then people were coming and taking him away and I remember looking at my parents, to see if what I'd gathered was true. They couldn't even look at me, sometimes they still can't. And then I could hear it in my head. I could hear her screaming in my head-...if you could hear it, you'd know it was my fault."
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Post by Molly Weasley on May 7, 2007 18:52:07 GMT
i sigh and run my ahdnnthrough my hair. "ok remus. i don't think it's your fault. and i never will, but seeing as your just as stubbon as i am i can't convince you that it wasn't your fault. i know that you feel that way. and i'm trying to understand this as best as i can."
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Post by Remus Lupin on May 7, 2007 18:56:37 GMT
"You shouldn't have to be trying to understand this. It's my problem, my thing to get over, I shouldn't be burdening it on you."
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Post by Molly Weasley on May 7, 2007 18:58:11 GMT
"your my friend. if someone, or somethings, messing with you they're messing with me." i say.
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