|
|
Post by Madeline Speare on Dec 23, 2007 22:23:47 GMT
"I am not doing this for me!" I yell over him,"This is for Alex. This is for him."
I sigh heavily, putting the paper back into my pocket,"He doesn't this! He doesn't! When he asks why his dad isn't around I don't want have to tell him 'Sorry Alex, daddy didn't want to take on responsibility so he killed himself!'"
|
|
|
|
Post by Ian Hunt on Dec 23, 2007 22:26:57 GMT
I flinch, "I did not try and kill myself to dodge fucking responsibility!" I roar, and I'm not sure where the anger or the volume has come from anymore.
|
|
|
|
Post by Madeline Speare on Dec 23, 2007 22:28:05 GMT
"Then what then?!" I yell back,"What makes you so fucking unhappy?!"
|
|
|
|
Post by Ian Hunt on Dec 23, 2007 22:32:38 GMT
"I don't know!" It sounds so pitifully pathetic saying it out loud that it makes me stop for a moment, breathing hard as if I've just run a long way before I can carry on.
"I don't know why! I've lost my brother and my daughter and my parents, my best friends, the first person that I ever-...Erin, I couldn't bear to stick around and make another mistake and watch you and Alex die too! I- I can't deal with being two people at once! I can't! It makes me sick that I can go out and...take orders and kill with...some sort of sadistic enjoyment and then I can come home and...be with you! I can't have Christopher and Ian at the same time! I cannot handle it! I just broke, okay? Too much pressure and I snapped!"
|
|
|
|
Post by Madeline Speare on Dec 23, 2007 22:41:08 GMT
A part of me wants to confort him and tell him that it'll be okay, but I know it won't be. Not this time. "Maybe..maybe it was better we never met." I say quietly after a moment. I had no clue what I was doing, thinking what I was doing was right somehow, I start to walk past him. You love him, I know you do. "..I can't do this.."
|
|
|
|
Post by Ian Hunt on Dec 23, 2007 22:43:36 GMT
"Yeah, maybe it would have been," I'm half-ashamed that my eyes are stinging again and I have to drop my gaze to hide it.
|
|
|
|
Post by Madeline Speare on Dec 23, 2007 22:47:11 GMT
I shake my head, eyes burning slightly,Tell him you still love him, you can't lie to him. You can't. I stop, unable to walk away,"I..I don't..I don't want to love you anymore.."
|
|
|
|
Post by Ian Hunt on Dec 23, 2007 22:53:45 GMT
"So don't," I say simply, heading back into my ward.
|
|
|
|
Post by Madeline Speare on Dec 23, 2007 22:55:46 GMT
It's not that easy.
A sob escapes my lips, and I lower my head. Your pathetic.
|
|
|
|
Post by Ian Hunt on Dec 23, 2007 22:56:30 GMT
You cannot leave her crying. You've done that enough today.
I stop, "Maddie..."
|
|
|
|
Post by Madeline Speare on Dec 23, 2007 22:58:18 GMT
"I don't want to..." I say quietly to myself,"I don't.." You just can't stop loving someone.
|
|
|
|
Post by Ian Hunt on Dec 23, 2007 23:06:21 GMT
"Look, you're the one that doesn't want to be with me, okay?"
|
|
|
|
Post by Madeline Speare on Dec 23, 2007 23:07:19 GMT
"It's for Alex." I mutter, trying to convince myself,"It's for Alex."
|
|
|
|
Post by Ian Hunt on Dec 23, 2007 23:16:09 GMT
"What's for Alex? Growing up without a father?"
|
|
|
|
Post by Madeline Speare on Dec 23, 2007 23:19:25 GMT
I sigh heavily, knowing he was right,"I'm not..I don't want him to go through what I have."
|
|
|
|
Post by Ian Hunt on Dec 23, 2007 23:29:31 GMT
"Well, I want to get better. Give me a chance?"
|
|
|
|
Post by Madeline Speare on Dec 23, 2007 23:30:57 GMT
I stop, then nod slowly,"Last one."
|
|
|
|
Post by Ian Hunt on Dec 23, 2007 23:40:11 GMT
I try and smile weakly, but fail miserably and just nod.
|
|
|
|
Post by Madeline Speare on Dec 23, 2007 23:42:18 GMT
"One more thing," I mumble,"We're in this for Alex, not us."
|
|
|
|
Post by Ian Hunt on Dec 23, 2007 23:49:34 GMT
I nod again, "Yeah."
|
|
|
|
Post by Madeline Speare on Dec 23, 2007 23:52:50 GMT
"I-..I don't want to love you.." I mutter wishing I sounded like I meant it.
|
|
|
|
Post by Ian Hunt on Dec 23, 2007 23:58:17 GMT
I don't reply, not sure how I'm supposed to for a moment.
Then say softly, "I do love you."
|
|
|
|
Post by Madeline Speare on Dec 24, 2007 0:00:19 GMT
"Don't say that." I mumble quietly.
|
|
|
|
Post by Ian Hunt on Dec 24, 2007 0:05:49 GMT
"But I do."
|
|
|
|
Post by Madeline Speare on Dec 24, 2007 0:07:29 GMT
"No.." I mumble shaking my head,"You can't. Don't say that."
|
|
|
|
Post by Ian Hunt on Dec 24, 2007 9:46:16 GMT
"Why can't I? I do. I still do."
|
|
|
|
Post by Madeline Speare on Dec 24, 2007 15:00:53 GMT
"You can't." I say stubbornly, still looking at the ground.'Cos I don't want you to anymore.
|
|
|
|
Post by Ian Hunt on Dec 24, 2007 15:28:10 GMT
"Well I'm terribly sorry that I do," I reply, barely resisting the temptation to roll my eyes, absently picking at the bandages again.
|
|
|
|
Post by Madeline Speare on Dec 24, 2007 15:30:16 GMT
If I love you I get hurt, I can't do that anymore.
I bite down on my bottom lip, taking a step back.
|
|
|
|
Post by Ian Hunt on Dec 24, 2007 15:39:30 GMT
"You can go if you want," I shrug after a moment's silence.
|
|
