Voices of conscience

[Nathan Leigh]

I walk into the post office, holding a letter, holding my head heavier.
I hurriedly tied it to the leg of an owl and sent it off, hoping no one would see me, which is why I hadn't posted it at Hogwarts.
What happened to not being ashamed of what you are, Nate? I think to myself. You never used to be ashamed.
That was before you made friends, Nate. You should be ashamed of what you are, what you've done, what you'll carry on doing.
And since when did you need friends Nate? You've never needed them. Why now?
Nate, you're fighting with yourself in your head. I suggest you stop it.[/b]

[Molly Weasley]

"nate? nate? nate?! nate!" i say. i had been standing in front of him for about five minutes trying to get his attention but he was like in another world. "hello?"

[sorachicora]

"Molly is Nate alright?" I asked waving my hand in front of his face.

[Nathan Leigh]

I jump. "Oh-...uh-...hello." I say, hastily meaning to tuck the letter behind my back, then remembering I'd already sent it off and sighing with relief.

[Molly Weasley]

"hey.." i say, "are you ok?" i ask him. i hear a type of squeal and see bill trying to ride an owl. "bill pettigew prewett get off the owl!" i scold him he gets off and starts to run around. "but are you ok?"

[Nathan Leigh]

"Oh yes...yes...fine..." I say absently, guiltily.
You're doing it again. Guilty, ashamed...
And so you should be. You filthy murderer Nate.
You're just trying to survive Nate, you had to do it.
Again? And again? You had to murder again and again Nate?
If you don't want to be killed-...
"Ever hear voices in your head?" I half-laugh half-choke nervously to her.

[Molly Weasley]

"yeah sometimes. but it was when i was drunk." i chuckle, "are you sure your ok?"

[sorachicora]

"yea but I tell them to shut up" I said

[Nathan Leigh]

No, you're not okay. You should never feel ashamed Nate. You're great at what you do, you're a strong ruthless murderer. You're not okay if you're feeling ashamed.
No, you're not okay. Why are you still doing this? Why don't you back out?
"At least they agree on something." I mutter to myself, then realise I'd said that out loud. "Uh-...well, I think I'm okay." I say to her, hoping to try and cover what I'd said with a cough.

[Molly Weasley]

"let's go and get you back at the castle." i say and grab hold of his arm softly and try and lead him out of the post office. "billy." i say and he comes over. "i think you need some sleep." i say to nate. this was really freaking me out

[sorachicora]

I looked at him "you think" I asked

[Nathan Leigh]

"Did you hear about Miller-...Jo?" I ask. "Murdered by the dark lord himself. Did you know her?"

[Molly Weasley]

i nod my head sadly. "she was one of my best friends. i trusted her more than anyone at some points."

[Nathan Leigh]

I nod slowly.
See? Nate? Do you see? You want that to happen to you?
You didn't just hear about it, did you Nate? You were there, weren't you Nate? You spoke to him afterwards, didn't you Nate? Not telling them that, are you, Nate?
Of course not, you need peoples trust. You need people to trust you. Makes your life and your job easier.
You're not going to, are you Nate?
"Jesus Christ! Shut up!" I say loudly to myself.

[Molly Weasley]

"i'm sorry? i didn't know you wanted me to be quite" i say. "look nate let's go ok?"

[Nathan Leigh]

"No, I was talking to-...I wasn't-...I need to sleep." I sigh.

[Molly Weasley]

"come on then." i say and open the dorr and wait for him and bill to walk through. "bill! leave the owl alone and come on." i say over to him

[Nathan Leigh]

I drift numbly through the door and wait in the street for Molly to convince Bill to follow.

[Molly Weasley]

i go back in the store and pick him up and carry him away from the owl. "you know you really freaked me out in there." i say as i walk next to him

[Nathan Leigh]

"Sorry," I sigh quietly. "Inner conflict."

[Molly Weasley]

"ok." i sigh and set bill on his feet so he can walk next to me but i still hold onto his hand. "but are you going to be ok now though?"

[Nathan Leigh]

"As okay as I normally am." I sigh.
I pause. "I went to see my father yesterday. In Azkaban."

[Molly Weasley]

i nod my head understanding. "i've gone there a few times. to see..someone." i say. "is that's what messing you up?"

[Nathan Leigh]

"I don't know." I say, rubbing my scar on my neck. "That and-...something else, I guess."

[Molly Weasley]

i nod my head. "you know that if you want to talk you can tell me. i may come off a bit on the loony side, but you can trust me." i assure him

[Nathan Leigh]

"I don't trust." I say blankly, "I'm sorry if that sounded rude, but I-...I don't. I don't trust anyone. It's nothing personal."

[Molly Weasley]

"ok then. you don't have to trust me." i asy. "i'm not offended."

[Nathan Leigh]

I nod, "I'm sorry, I just can't. One of the few things Bad Nate and Good Nate both agree on." I smile weakly. "Don't trust people."

[Molly Weasley]

i chuckle softly. "good nate and bad nate?" i ask, "which one did i meet?"

[Nathan Leigh]

"Good Nate. He's not much better than Bad Nate sometimes. You should hear them." I say sincerely. "It's when Bad Nate takes over-...then I have to run. Or people get hurt." I say shakily.