Filthy half-breed

[Remus Lupin]

I take a seat alone, at the end of the Gryffindor table.
My fists were physically shaking with anger so I clenched them in front of me until my knuckles turned white.
I hit the table hard and a few people turn to look at me.
I glare sourly at them until they turn back around again.
Filthy half-breed, wasn't I?
Who needed friends?
Not me.
Not the filthy half-breed.
I hated him anyway.
I hated Sirius Black.
Who needs him?
Not me.
I don't need him.
He never was a good friend anyway.
Not to me.
Not to the filthy half-breed.

[Isabella Knox]

I watch as Remus takes a seat at the other end of the table and hit his head on the table. He looked angry, more angry than i had ever seen him in my entire time of knowing him. I walked to the other end of the table and place my hand on his shaking shoulder. "Rem, what's happend?" I ask softly

[Remus Lupin]

"Nothing." I snap angrily.
I take a deep breath.
"Sorry," I say slowly, trying to keep my voice steady but failing miserably. "It's nothing."

[Isabella Knox]

I jump back when he snaps at me, he'd never done that to me either. "Rem please just tell me." I try again.

[Remus Lupin]

"I don't want to." I struggle to say.
I couldn't bring myself to repeat what he'd said.
I didn't want to bring Izzy into this anymore than she was already involved.
As far as I was concerned, fighting with Sirius in Izzy's behalf was now a different battle.
Now, I was fighting two wars, one for Izzy and one for me.

[Isabella Knox]

I look at the floor. "If you're sure." I say.
I hoped it was nothing to do with me, i didn't want Remus to be upset because of me.

[Remus Lupin]

"Yeah, I'm sure." I say through gritted teeth, trying not to appear angry at her.
I wasn't anrgy at her.
I was angry at him.
I hated him.
"I'm sorry, Izzy, for snapping at you." I say, trying, and failing, to calm down.

[Isabella Knox]

"It's okay....don't worry about it." I stutter, he was so angry. Was he angry at me? Maybe i should just leave. I turned around and started to walk out of the great hall.

[Rin Lupin]

I walk towards Remus, he looked tense. I say Izzy about to walk out of the hall. I grab her by the arm and ask, "What's wrong?"

[Isabella Knox]

"I don't know." I say sadly "But he's angry at something, or someone."

[Rin Lupin]

"Izzy, he can't be mad at you most likely some one else." I say. "I'll try to find out and I'll tell you."

[Remus Lupin]

I hadn't meant to scare Izzy away.
But maybe it was for the best.
I didn't want to snap at her again or anything.
I ball my hands into fists and try and stop myself being angry.
Again, it doesn't work.
I just hated him so much right now.

[Isabella Knox]

"Thanks." I say quietly and continue towards the great hall doors.

[Rin Lupin]

I sit across Remus and wait to see if he notices me.

[Remus Lupin]

Rin sits opposite me.
I sigh heavily, not looking up at her, "It might not be a good idea to sit there. I don't want to scare you off too."

[Rin Lupin]

"Like I said before, I'm not scared." I smile. I walk over to sit beside him. I take one of his balled up fists into my hands. "The only way you'll not be mad is if you vent to some one."

[Remus Lupin]

"That's not fair though." I say quietly. "There's no need for me to get even angrier than I am now by thinking about it. I don't want to be angry at you through no fault of your own."

[Isabella Knox]

I look over my shoulder at Remus and decide, i'm going to talk to Sirius myself. I walk out of the Great hall and head to the common room to start my search for him.

[Rin Lupin]

"I know if you're yelling at me that's because you're mad about something. You're venting there is a difference from yelling at me to venting. Just....vent"

[Remus Lupin]

"I don't need to. I'm fine." I lie.

[Rin Lupin]

"Then if you're not mad, why are your hands still balled into fists? You're either trying to cut your palms with your lack of finger nails or cut off circulation. Come on tell me it will make you feel a little better." I say keeping one hand with his fist and the other stroking his cheek.

[Remus Lupin]

"I'm just being an idiot anyway." I say softly. "I'm just making a big deal of something little and you'll think me a complete moron if I say anyway."

[Rin Lupin]

"I wouldn't and if I did...you're my moron."

[Remus Lupin]

"It's Sirius." I sigh. "I-...I tried talking to him. About Izzy." I shake my head, looking determinedly at the table. "He managed to get across a few home truths to me as well. Filthy half-breed, aren't I?" I say, my voice had been rising steadily as I spoke so when I said these last few words some people nearby turned round to look.
I ignored them all, and kept staring at the table.

[Rin Lupin]

I frowned and looked at the table with the 'you guys are jerks' look then back to Remus. I placed my hand on his cheek and moved it so his eyes met mine. "Remember your Prosecutors have never been in your shoes, they're all in the gallery looking in. Smartly dispensing the smart, but more or less cliche. They don't know how these words will hurt you and they don't know anything about what you're going through." I say softly.

[Remus Lupin]

"I'm just being stupid." I sigh. "I've heard it so many times before. I don't know why it should still hurt."

[Rin Lupin]

"Words hurt...sometimes more than actions. You're not being stupid."

[Remus Lupin]

I smile weakly. "I am. I mean, for five years I never thought he thought that of me. But it turns out he did. Or he does now anyway. Some great friends I have, huh?"

[Rin Lupin]

"You do have good friends, James, Peter, Izzy, Lily, me, even though I'm your girlfriend. I will never think of you that way and they won't either."

[Remus Lupin]

"I never thought Sirius would either." I sigh miserably. "Five years. He's known for five of the six and a half/seven years I've known him. And another thing I can't believe is that I'm letting it get to me so much. So, I'm just going to shut up."