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Post by Arden Patricks on Oct 8, 2007 18:43:09 GMT
"And why not?" I frown slightly, wondering why it bothers me.
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Post by Ian Hunt on Oct 8, 2007 18:47:42 GMT
I raise an eyebrow, half toying with the idea of asking whether anything I say will end up being repeated to Logan, then dismiss it almost immediately.
"My brother's pissing me off, something about shirting responsibility and trying to-...cut myself off from my daughter or some shit like that. And then I get the 'it's cos she reminds you so much of her mother, isn't it?' line thrown at me and I dunno. I can't be bothered to put up with it right now," I shrug, talking more to the floor than her, "And my girlfriend is-...in a fucked up place right now, you know? And I don't know how to help, and she thinks I hate her or something cos I'm never at home and I can't look her in the eye anymore but it's just because-...I don't know. I'm angry at her, I guess."
I pause a moment, then laugh weakly, "And I haven't told anyone any of that and it seems odd that you should be the first when 10 minutes ago we weren't exactly on good terms."
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Post by Arden Patricks on Oct 8, 2007 19:03:57 GMT
"Hmm..." I say quietly, then laugh a little myself. "Yeah, little odd." I pause a moment, not sure if I should say anything about what he told me or not. You're so angry at your girlfriend that you can't even look at her, but it's not because you hate her?
I shrug and keep quiet about it, since I have nothing of real substance to offer anyway. "Why in the hell haven't you told anyone?" I ask evenly instead. "You trust a mostly stranger and former enemy more than your friends and family or what?"
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Post by Ian Hunt on Oct 8, 2007 19:07:36 GMT
"My friends and family think I'm enough of a fuck up without me actually telling them anything, I don't see why I should give them any evidence," I mutter, "Rowan would give me that little brother 'oh dear how the fuck did you let that happen?' look. Scott quite enjoys laughing at my misfortune. Row has enough to worry about at the moment. And if I can't look at Maddie without wanting to either yell at her, or just turn and walk away completely, I can't tell her that I don't hate her. I mean, I don't. I know it probably sounds like I do...but..." I just stop and shrug, "And now I've talked far too much about things you don't care about so I'll just stop talking now."
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Post by Arden Patricks on Oct 8, 2007 19:14:03 GMT
I absorb that for a moment, then shrug. "And who says I don't care? The sooner I can be misunderstand when I'm upset, the happier I'll be... if that makes sense. Vent all you want and consider it karma, I dunno." I pause. "Couldn't you just... yell at her a bit and then apologize?" I suggest, with a slight embarrassed laugh at the silly naivety of that suggestion. "Maybe you could tell her you don't hate her if you got rid of the anger."
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Post by Ian Hunt on Oct 8, 2007 19:18:30 GMT
"Makes a vague kind of sense...I guess," I decide after a moment.
"Tried that. She yelled back and I got more pissed off. That's kind of it, I don't know why I'm angry. I'm angry all the time, but it's never been...I've never been angry at her before. And I know I shouldn't be...well, I don't think I should be. It's not fair to be mad at her for trying to...kill herself, is it?"
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Post by Arden Patricks on Oct 8, 2007 19:27:51 GMT
I shiver slightly at that, and think it over. "Well... I can see why you'd be terrified. And anger is usually a result of being scared anyway, so they tell you... you know, the way people will hate those different from them just because they're scared." I shrug. "So I guess that it makes sense, although I don't know if it's 'fair' or not." I pause, trying to think of a solution. You could tell her that you're scared. "You could tell her why you're angry... I don't know if that will help."
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Post by Ian Hunt on Oct 8, 2007 19:35:49 GMT
"Tell her that I'm scared?" I raise an incredulous eyebrow then add almost immediately, "Not that I am. I don't really-...I can't-...see, I don't talk about things like that."
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Post by Arden Patricks on Oct 8, 2007 19:38:40 GMT
"And therein may lie your problem," I mutter under my breath, then shrug. "Not even if the alternative is your seriously depressed girlfriend thinking that you hate her?"
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Post by Ian Hunt on Oct 8, 2007 19:42:02 GMT
"I don't hate her, I tell her I don't hate her. She just says I have every right to and still thinks I do. And I tell her that I don't want to lose her and she just doesn't say anything at all. And she keeps saying 'I fucked it all up, didn't I?' and what am I supposed to do? Lie? Say no, everything's just fine, or tell her that yes, she has indeed fucked things up," I cut myself off before I can say anything else, "Sorry."
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Post by Arden Patricks on Oct 8, 2007 19:49:40 GMT
I look down at the desktop for a moment as I try to figure out how I should answer. Or what the hell I should say, much less how I should phrase it. Finally I shrug and shake my head. "I don't know... I just don't know. Sorry."
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Post by Ian Hunt on Oct 8, 2007 19:52:38 GMT
"It's alright, I don't expect you to," I shrug slightly, "Feels better to have said it out loud at least. Just sorry had to burden it on a near enough stranger."
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Post by Arden Patricks on Oct 8, 2007 19:58:05 GMT
I shrug. "It's all right... karma, like I said. I've done my share of venting at near-strangers." I smile very slightly. "And I'm making it my goal to drag at least one person out of the stupid muck that this school has become... or at least help to partially drag a bunch of people, I dunno. Whatever I can do." I shrug again.
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Post by Ian Hunt on Oct 8, 2007 20:00:22 GMT
"Worthy ambition, very humanitarian," I remark, smiling slightly.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Oct 8, 2007 20:06:31 GMT
"I just got tired of moping, and I don't like seeing other people feel the way I did," I shrug, looking at him suspiciously. "You making fun of me?"
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Post by Ian Hunt on Oct 8, 2007 20:08:06 GMT
"If I was making fun of you, you wouldn't have to ask. Subtlety is not my thing," I snort.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Oct 8, 2007 20:11:41 GMT
"Okay then," I nod. "Then again, I don't think picking up on things is really my strong suit, so you wouldn't necessarily have to be subtle." I shrug.
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Post by Ian Hunt on Oct 8, 2007 20:15:22 GMT
"Well, for the record, I wasn't making fun of you."
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Post by Arden Patricks on Oct 8, 2007 20:21:06 GMT
"Got it," I nod. "I might as well believe you I suppose."
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Post by Ian Hunt on Oct 8, 2007 20:23:57 GMT
"Got nothing to lose by believing me. I'm honestly not an asshole all the time, promise."
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Post by Arden Patricks on Oct 8, 2007 20:29:56 GMT
I nod, suddenly reminded of the fact that twenty minutes ago I hated him, and now I'm feeling worried that he's going to lose his girlfriend and I don't want that to happen.
"This is getting very odd, you know," I say, frowning slightly. "Did this with a friend of yours just the other day. One minute we're shooting death glares at each other as each of us defends her best friend... and next thing you know we're debating the best way to harvest emotions to make everybody happier." I shake my head. "Not a bad thing, of course, but very much a strange one."
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Post by Ian Hunt on Oct 8, 2007 20:34:37 GMT
"Yeah, very strange concept...oh...friend of mine...female...definitely Row then. Uh...I'm sorry, if she offended you. She doesn't really think before she-...she doesn't really think a lot of the time."
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Post by Arden Patricks on Oct 8, 2007 20:42:33 GMT
I shake my head as I remember what we said to each other. "Think that I offended her a little more than she offended me," I say, mouth slightly dry. "I... I sort of said that maybe it was Will who did the things that Logan's blamed for," I mutter to the desktop, wincing slightly.
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Post by Ian Hunt on Oct 8, 2007 20:45:01 GMT
"Ah," I say, throat immediately becoming a lot drier at the mention of Will, trying hard to bite back a retort because she wasn't saying that now. I try to summon my voice to say something, then just shake my head and don't bother.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Oct 8, 2007 20:47:02 GMT
"Sorry," I say quietly. "I ran out of excuses to make for him, but couldn't let myself believe that they were right... I never should have said that."
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Post by Ian Hunt on Oct 8, 2007 20:50:34 GMT
"No, it's alright. I used to make excuses for him too," I shrug, "Easier to do that rather than face that he's a complete twat, huh?"
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Post by Arden Patricks on Oct 8, 2007 20:57:49 GMT
"Yeah." I laugh slightly. "Rather difficult to admit that you've been so completely wrong about a friend." Immediately I feel disloyal, as a voice in my head protests that I was certainly not wrong. I shake my head. "When did you make excuses for him?" I ask, frowning slightly.
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Post by Ian Hunt on Oct 8, 2007 20:59:25 GMT
"I dunno, when we were still friends? Were for quite a while and all. And then I realised he was a prick, just ignore me expressing my opinion if you believe it to be false, and made excuses for him anyway cos we kind of had to. Travelling together, long time," I shrug.
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Post by Arden Patricks on Oct 8, 2007 21:07:31 GMT
"Right," I nod, remembering he'd mentioned that. Then I shake my head, smiling sadly. "And at this point I don't know... if I talk to him again I'll change my mind, but at this point I think I agree with you." I trace a circle on the desktop, feeling sickened with myself.
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Post by Ian Hunt on Oct 8, 2007 21:17:42 GMT
"Don't let anyone make up your mind for you. A lot of people around here are going to hate him, but don't let that change how you feel. You probably know a different person to who most other people do," I shrug.
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