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Post by Yumi Baker on Sept 1, 2007 19:28:45 GMT
"yeah..mia even goes up to peolpe sometimes and says how many cups of coffe i had to have that morning to actually look alive." i chuckle
"i know you don't judge. you're still here talking to me like a person, so i know you don't." i sai "but it's just....i don't like people to know...most of all my friends. cos i lvoe my friends like family...and..." i stop as that voice comes in my head.
lie. lie yumi lie.
"i don't do that much anymore." i say with a forced small smile looking over at him a little, "i'm better."
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Post by Rowan Hunt on Sept 1, 2007 19:35:49 GMT
I nod, feeling a stone plummet through my stomach, "Well, okay."
I'm better, Rowan. There's nothing wrong with me. Just fuck off.
You're not better if you do this to yourself and then end up in hospital every few weeks having tried to kill yourself, just let me help you...
"Sorry, I'm like insanely...paranoid about this sort of thing. You'll have to excuse me sticking my nose in where it doesn't belong."
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Post by Yumi Baker on Sept 1, 2007 19:39:17 GMT
"no, no. it's ok." i say quickly feeling a bit sick. "i-i have to go...." i say looking down hateing myself for lieing to him. i get up and start to walk up the stairs
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Post by Rowan Hunt on Sept 1, 2007 19:40:41 GMT
"Yumi," I get up and put my hand on her shoulder, "It's okay, you know. Just-...I'm here if you need anything, and Poppy'd love to see you again sometime, I'm sure."
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Post by Yumi Baker on Sept 1, 2007 19:46:17 GMT
i open my mouth to say something but nothing came out.
i tried again and again to say something but nothing ever came out. looking him in the eye was tearing me apart. i felt as if i had just run miles and was barely able to breath. i try and catch my breath and close my eyes holding my stomach looknig away from him for a bit
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Post by Rowan Hunt on Sept 1, 2007 19:51:10 GMT
"Yumi..." I say softly, not sure what else to do, clasping her shoulder lightly.
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Post by Yumi Baker on Sept 1, 2007 19:54:18 GMT
i shrug his hand off my shoulder and put my hand in my pocket. it was there thankfully. i turn and star to walk away again
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Post by Rowan Hunt on Sept 1, 2007 19:56:36 GMT
I sigh slightly, sitting back on the step and watching Poppy leap around trying to catch the bug.
I wasn't sure what I'd done wrong this time.
I just knew I did it a lot.
Like I knew trying to help people was pointless because I could never do it.
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Post by Yumi Baker on Sept 1, 2007 20:03:53 GMT
after about five minutes i walk back with brett and mia in my arms.
empty handed and clean wrists.
i sit back next to him and set mia and brett infront of me, not saying a word. i was rubbing my left arm lightly with my palm up trying to get some comfort
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Post by Rowan Hunt on Sept 1, 2007 20:07:33 GMT
I don't say anything either, just smile slightly at her in a comforting way, then looking back at Poppy, Mia and Brett, so she didn't have to look at me if she didn't want to.
"Can I talk to them?" Poppy asks me quietly.
"Course you can kiddo." I nudge her lightly, "Go make friends."
She grins and hops over to Mia and Brett, "Hello!"
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Post by Yumi Baker on Sept 1, 2007 20:12:28 GMT
i don't look at him, but keep my gaze straight foward. "brett what matter with yum.." mia asks softly, "remeber mia..she in one of those..." brett responds, like i had told them once, then smiles at poppy. "hi!" he smiles "hi! i'm a pirate!" mia laughs but brett grabs her before she can tackel poppy. i smile weakly and look down
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Post by Rowan Hunt on Sept 1, 2007 20:15:46 GMT
"You're a pirate?" She gasps, going wide-eyed.
I smile slightly to myself, watching them, "You alright?" I ask Yumi quietly, already knowing she wasn't but having to ask anyway.
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Post by Yumi Baker on Sept 1, 2007 20:23:48 GMT
"yes i'm the best damn pirate there is!" mia says proudly.
"oi! you don't say that word young lady." i scold. then look over at rowan a bit rubbing my arm more and tracing the scars. "been better...but do you really have to ask" i say so mia, brett, and poppy can't hear.
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Post by Rowan Hunt on Sept 1, 2007 20:25:57 GMT
"Oh wow," She chuckles, then runs over to me and claps a hand on mine, "Look after Chouko, daddy, I'm going to go and play with pirates!"
"I think you just maimed Chouko." I say after her, as she runs back over to them.
I pause before I answer, "No, I didn't. I just didn't know what else to say. I'm sorry. I know it's not place to just invade your personal business."
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Post by Yumi Baker on Sept 1, 2007 20:31:30 GMT
"now this is how you play pirates..." mia explain to poppy then tackles brett and pins him down dangleing spit above his face.
"Chouko?" i ask, "and it's ok. if you didn't someone else would have, and you're not all rude and creepy about. it's ok...for some reason." i chucle softly
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Post by Rowan Hunt on Sept 1, 2007 20:35:43 GMT
She laughs, and drops to her knees next to Brett, resting the side of her head on the floor and watching the spit dangling over him, "Ewwwww..." She giggles.
"Chouko's her imaginary butterfly," I shrug with a smile, "She likes to throw him around." I smile, "Well, you know you can tell me to," I lower my voice, so they wouldn't hear, "fuck off," I return my voice back to it's normal volume, "if you want to. Lord knows everyone else does."
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Post by Yumi Baker on Sept 1, 2007 20:41:46 GMT
"noo!" brett yells "amwelia!" he says trying to say mia's real name as he trys to push her off. mia was pretty strong for a smll girl.
"ha! i all powerful!" mia laughs sucking the spit back up. "see that's how you pway. mia says, sitting on brett, looking over at poppy.
"wish the had imaginary friends instead of bringing home all of their real friends. had a weird looking dead bird last night..." i smile weakly
"no, i don't want to tell you to," i pause, "fuck off..." i say softly, "i'm the one with the problem." i say with a bitter chuckle and look over at him. it was different this time. i actually looked him in the eyes
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Post by Rowan Hunt on Sept 1, 2007 20:45:22 GMT
"Poor Bett!" Poppy grins, poking him in the side of the head, "You're funny, Mia."
"Ooh, dead bird, lovely," I grimace slightly, "Yeah, Chouko's pretty low maintenance for a pet. Apart from when he goes missing and then we have a few tears. But he always comes back."
I meet her eyes, smiling slightly that she could look at me this time, "And you're the one with the solution," I tell her, just like I'd told him, "You just gotta work it out first, that's all."
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Post by Yumi Baker on Sept 1, 2007 20:54:18 GMT
mia get's a wide grin on her face. "you wanna sit on brett to?" mia asks poppy as she moves up and is sitting on bretts chest. brett looks over at me and back up at mia. "still don't know why he lets her do all this..." i chuckle softly.
"i had sirius clean it up, so it's all good. for me at least." i chuckle, "yeah mia get's the same way with her bandanna..she freaks if she loses it."
"and rowan, believe me..." i sigh and look down at my arm as memorys flood my mind. i look back up at him and shake my head slightly. "i'm past the point of finding a solution.." i say looking down again
~storm..power might go off~
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Post by Rowan Hunt on Sept 1, 2007 20:58:35 GMT
Poppy grins and sits next to her on Brett, but pats him on the forehead, "I'm sorry Bett."
"Ah, he's being a good brother, letting her do that. Me and Chris beat each other up all the time." I smile slightly.
"Still pretty gross though, right?" I laugh slightly, "Yeah, she cried a lot last time and then ran to her 'second daddy' which is Chris, and told her I'd been bad and lost Chouko and got me in trouble before she admitted Chouko had been hiding in her pocket the whole time."
"It's never too late," I say softly, refusing to believe it, "Never ever too late. There's always a slither of hope, no matter how small."
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Post by Yumi Baker on Sept 1, 2007 21:07:10 GMT
"it ok poppy.." bretts chuckles and pokes mia in teh side. "yum told you no spit thing no more." he scolds her. "but bwett.." she grins down at him.
"yeah it was gross..." i chuckle. "yeah sirius and i never really in the smae room...or around each other much so they can't do that to us.." i chuckle but my smile faulters.
"rowan..." i say softly, trying to think up a way to explain to him that it is. i look him in the eyes again, but for some reason it hurt. i'm not sure how, or even if it was physcial, but it hurt. i close my eyes and hold my head in my hands. "jesus christ...how do you do that..." i mutter
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Post by Rowan Hunt on Sept 1, 2007 21:11:42 GMT
"Wow..." She laughs for no apparent reason.
I shake my head slightly, smiling, she didn't make sense to me a lot of the time.
"Do what?" I say confusedly, tilting my head slightly to the side as she puts her head in her hands.
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Post by Yumi Baker on Sept 1, 2007 21:17:09 GMT
i look him in the eyes for bit. at first it was fine but i got the gut twisting pain and blink a few times. "that...it..i don't...it hurts...i don't know why...it hurts...it hurts to look you in the eye..." i say knowing i sounded crazy. "thanks...you've driven me over teh edge..." i mutter only joking
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Post by Rowan Hunt on Sept 1, 2007 21:23:20 GMT
"Sorry," I force a weak smile, "It's just-...it's a subject close to home. I-...for 4 years now, 4 whole years, I've seen my only brother do this to himself," I stop, looking at my clasped hands, there was no way to describe how close we were, or had been, and how it had ruined everything, "Everytime he does it, he loses a little bit more of himself and I lose a little bit more of my brother. And then every few weeks he tries to kill himself, again and again, and everytime, every single time, I think I'm going to lose my best friend, and then it happens again and I feel the grief again and again and again. And when it comes down to it, him and Poppy, they're all I have." I sigh slightly, "I know that's all stupid. I just...I hate the idea of someone doing that to them, of someone else going through it, I've seen what it does. And I feel what it does to the people around them. I'm just an idiot, I guess." I shrug, looking at the three kids without really seeing them.
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Post by Yumi Baker on Sept 1, 2007 21:28:27 GMT
i sigh i reach over and grab his hand, "rowan i'm not gonna try and off myself.." i say softly, "look...does it really matter to you if i stop or not?" i ask
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Post by Rowan Hunt on Sept 1, 2007 21:30:34 GMT
"I know, it's just...nevermind," I say softly, knowing he'd promised the exact same thing, "But yes, well, I know it's stupid, seeing as I don't know you all that well, but it matters."
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Post by Yumi Baker on Sept 1, 2007 21:33:39 GMT
"it's not stupid..." i say. "it's been a while since someone really cared." i say with a bitter chuckle, "would you be willing to help me, though?" i ask
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Post by Rowan Hunt on Sept 1, 2007 21:36:20 GMT
"Well, I most definitely care," I assure with a weak smile, "Of course, I would. Anything you need help with, promise I'll do my best."
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Post by Yumi Baker on Sept 1, 2007 21:43:47 GMT
"thanks rowan.." i smile and see that i still have hold of his hand. "sorry.." i mutter and bring my hand back. "and if you need help with poppy you can always come to me. anytime. i've got some of mia's old stuff, and stuff i never used," i chuckle, "if you need anything."
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Post by Rowan Hunt on Sept 1, 2007 21:46:15 GMT
"No problem," I smile slightly, "And thanks. I appreciate that. Love her, but I'm in a bit over my head sometimes." I admit, laughing slightly.
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