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Post by Madeline Speare on Aug 5, 2007 20:30:31 GMT
I sat near the forest right by Hargid's hut.
My hair clinging to my face as the rain poured down on me.
It had been raining pretty hard for a while now, but I hadn't bothered to move which I'd probably regret later when I was sick.
I was gonna be regretting a lot of things soon, so it really didn't matter.
There was nothing, no Ian, no family, no friends.
No Ian.
That hurt the most, even more seeing as I was the one who screwed it up.
I don't even know why I did it, why I said the things I did, or why I even listened to Logan, but it didn't matter now.
I had never felt this helpless, this lost before...I felt like I was dying.
You don't deserve to die, you don't get that satisfaction.
I could feel myself start to shake, partly from the fact I was soaked to the bone and partly 'cos I was terrified.
I just broke down, I started crying, realizing that I was alone.
And I always would be.
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Post by Nyx Diotrephes on Aug 5, 2007 23:17:23 GMT
"are you ok?" i ask walking up with an umbrella and lucian in my arms. i could finally take im out fo the forest
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Post by Madeline Speare on Aug 5, 2007 23:40:28 GMT
I look up seeing a girl and a baby.
I start crying harder at the sight of the baby.
God what have I done?
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Post by Nyx Diotrephes on Aug 5, 2007 23:45:41 GMT
"i sorry?" i say walking over to her and put the umbrella over her. "you get sick. come inside." i say softly still holding it over her
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Post by Madeline Speare on Aug 5, 2007 23:48:21 GMT
I shake my head, wiping my tears away,"No, no it's fine."
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Post by Nyx Diotrephes on Aug 5, 2007 23:50:34 GMT
"no. you come in with me. i be very annoying if you don't." i smile. "nyx diotrephes." i say and move lucian around a bit
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Post by Madeline Speare on Aug 5, 2007 23:55:22 GMT
I eye the baby, tears welling up in my eyes again.
"Maddie, Maddie Speare." I say quietly looking back down.
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Post by Nyx Diotrephes on Aug 5, 2007 23:57:22 GMT
"what matter?" i ask
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Post by Madeline Speare on Aug 5, 2007 23:58:28 GMT
"I'm alone. I fucked things up so bad."
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Post by Nyx Diotrephes on Aug 6, 2007 0:02:31 GMT
"is ok if ask what happened?" i ask
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Post by Madeline Speare on Aug 6, 2007 0:04:24 GMT
"I..I said some things to my boyfriend..some things I'd give anything to take back...and we're over."
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Post by Nyx Diotrephes on Aug 6, 2007 0:07:35 GMT
"then talk to him. if you two meant to be together he listen and things will get better. it never to late, and there nothing where no way out." i say
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Post by Madeline Speare on Aug 6, 2007 0:11:53 GMT
"It is too late, I...I can't. He probably won't even want to talk to me, hell I wouldn't if I was him. I accused him of something...something I know he didn't do..and...now I've managed not just to screw uo my life but my baby's too."
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Post by Nyx Diotrephes on Aug 6, 2007 0:17:52 GMT
"have you talked to him since fight?" i ask
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Post by Madeline Speare on Aug 6, 2007 0:19:49 GMT
"No." I shake my head.
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Post by Nyx Diotrephes on Aug 6, 2007 0:22:02 GMT
"tehn how you konw he won't talk to you? trust me, you need him if you have baby. assuming that baby his, you need him. and baby wasn't made just because you wanted to fuck him. made from love. that can't go away so quick." i say, "sorry about hwo i talk. still learning english."
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Post by Madeline Speare on Aug 6, 2007 13:29:15 GMT
"Of course it's his. I've stayed faithful to him the whole time." I mutter wiping my tears away."It's fine, I can still understand you."
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Post by Nyx Diotrephes on Aug 6, 2007 13:37:47 GMT
"then you need talk him." i say "and i been staying up all night learning how to speak english. glad it work."
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Post by Madeline Speare on Aug 6, 2007 13:40:39 GMT
"I doubt he wants to see me. I wouldn't. Besides, I...I'm not staying here."
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Post by Nyx Diotrephes on Aug 6, 2007 13:43:21 GMT
"why not stay, and where go? if ok to ask"
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Post by Madeline Speare on Aug 6, 2007 13:59:02 GMT
"Cos it hurts too much." I reply simply."I dunno, France, anywhere really. Doesn't matter."
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Post by Nyx Diotrephes on Aug 6, 2007 14:02:03 GMT
"look i no know you very well but leaving no help. it just make things worse because when you have baby you wonder what would have happened if stayed adn talked it out. what happen if things went good. that hurts the most."
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Post by Madeline Speare on Aug 6, 2007 14:21:47 GMT
"I'm not keeping it." I say after a moment,"Adoption, I'll probably put it up for adoption. I can't be a mum. I can't."
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Post by Nyx Diotrephes on Aug 6, 2007 14:41:43 GMT
"nothing impossible." i say
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Post by Madeline Speare on Aug 6, 2007 14:43:47 GMT
"This is. I'm...I'm not good with kids. I'll be a horrible mother."
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Post by Nyx Diotrephes on Aug 6, 2007 14:51:23 GMT
"i couldn't hold lucian for a week because i dropped him the first time i held him, i forgot to fed him once and i left him at the hospital on accident. i was horrible mother. but i learned. you learn."
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Post by Madeline Speare on Aug 6, 2007 15:28:00 GMT
"What if I don't?"
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Post by Nyx Diotrephes on Aug 6, 2007 15:29:44 GMT
"you will. if i did you will." i smile, "that baby yours. don't give it up."
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Post by Madeline Speare on Aug 6, 2007 15:32:56 GMT
Never give up baby girl. I hear my da's voice in my head.
I nod,"Okay."
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Post by Nyx Diotrephes on Aug 6, 2007 15:46:51 GMT
"you won't regreat. lucian not planned but i never give him up now." i smile looking down at my baby boy. "now come. you get sick if you stay out here wet." i say
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